Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) Read online

  “Tonight in the cage. You were the guy dancing with me, weren’t you?”

  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He says as he sits down in the high-back antique chair next to my bed.

  “Aren’t you leaving?” I didn’t mean for that to come out so blunt but it shocked me when he sat down. Plus he is pissing me off not admitting it was him dancing with me.

  “No. I’m staying until Millie gets home. You shouldn’t be alone right now Paige.” He states quietly.

  “What if I don’t want you to stay?” I know I’m poking the bear but I can’t stop, I need to understand this new concern he has for me.

  “Too bad.” He says to me and tips his head back resting it on the back of the chair. He is clearly accepting my challenge.

  “I don’t get you.”

  “That makes two of us.” He says in return.

  “No seriously, I don’t get why you are here at all. I don’t get why you care what happens to me. I know you hate me.”

  He lets out a deep sigh from the corner. “You don’t know anything. You think you do, but you don’t.” He says quietly but sternly. Oh, really?

  “I know you lied to me. I know you used me. I know you left me when I was fighting for my life. I know that!” Shit, that wasn’t supposed to come out.

  “Paige…” He stands up and closes the distance between us. He picks up my hand that is lying at my side and grasps it in his. “Look there is things we need to talk about, okay? Things you need to know, but not now. Not when you’re drunk. This isn’t the right time.” When is the right time? It’s only been almost two years you asshat!

  “Whatever.” I am acting like a total bitch but who cares he deserves it and so much more.

  “I know you’re angry at me and you have every right to be, but I want to make this right. I need to make this right.” I don’t look at him and just stare at the wall. “Paige…will you look at me?”

  I refuse because I know the minute I do I will cry or scream or both so I just keep staring at the wall. I should have known that Cutter wouldn’t accept this and he doesn’t. He lightly cradles my cheek with the palm of his hand forcing me to look at him. He is so close to me now. I feel that familiar heat cover my body that only he can cause. I know he is going to kiss me and I know it will be earth shattering but that’s what scares me to my core.

  “Please don’t.” I say in hushed tone. He looks down at me, eyes roaming my face looking past my words and into my soul for the confirmation he desires. I know he will find it if he continues to look and I know I will give into him unless I say something.

  “Please Cutter, I can’t survive you twice.”

  It feels like my words are just a whisper but I know he hears them because I watch the pain dart across his eyes. He lets go of my cheek and steps back. He sits down in the chair and puts his feet up on the matching ottoman.

  “Sleep darling, all that cage dancing has surely worn you out.”

  My eyes snap open and I look at him only to be met with that steely cool gaze. So it was him that I was dancing with tonight.

  CHAPTER 11

  “Good Paige! Keep it up. Two more laps then you can be done for the day.” Holden shouts at me from across the large pool. I have been swimming for about two months now and I can tell I am getting stronger by the day.

  I finish my remaining laps and then head to the showers. Holden told me he couldn’t help me in the gym today because he had to help a football player with a knee injury, so I decided to just do my swim and head home. When I finish I check my phone and see I have a missed call from Tanner. I’m guessing he needs notes for philosophy because he wasn’t in class today. I quickly get dressed and call him back as I head to my car.

  “Hey what’s up?” I say as Tanner answers the phone.

  “Hey Lil, what are you doing?

  “Just got done with swimming and now I’m headed home to study.” I tell him.

  “How is Holden?” He asks in such a big brother tone it’s ridiculous.

  “Fine. Did you just call to harass me about Holden?”

  “No I actually called because I need a favor.” He says.

  “Okay…”

  “So it is date dash for my frat tomorrow night and I’m going to need a date. I was thinking you would like to accompany me.”

  Date dash was something all the sororities and fraternities did on campus. The social chair of the house would announce it that day and you would have to run out and find someone to go with you. Since Tanner is the social chair of his house he knows when it will happen, so obviously he is taking full advantage of that fact.

  “Don’t you have a bevy of babes to choose from?” I ask him quizzically.

  “Well yes, but I’m going to have to be in charge of everything so I won’t be the most fun date.”

  “Gotcha. Okay, yeah that sounds like fun.”

  “Great I’ll drop your shirt off at your house tomorrow morning.” Oh hell, one more themed shirt to add to my growing collection! Seriously this is getting ridiculous.

  Tanner came over to my house and walked with me the couple of blocks down to the frat. I told him he didn’t have to but he insisted. We were now in the basement of the house enjoying the delicious spode his fraternity brothers made. I was having a lot of fun drinking and dancing with Tanner and his friends. I had come to know a lot of the guys in the house my first semester at school hanging out with Cutter and they all surprisingly remembered me.

  Thankfully I have not run into Cutter this evening. Tanner reassured me that if I did see him that he would stay away from me. I appreciated that Tanner looks out for me just like he is my actual big brother. I know he has his own thoughts about me and Cutter. I can tell because when I vented to him recently he looked as if he wanted to say something the entire time but never did.

  “You want to dance with us Paige?” Tanner asked me.

  “Sure.” I tell him as he grabs my hand and drags me into the crowd of people dancing.

  I am having a blast. We dance to song after song. I even get in on a little line dancing action. I know I’m taxing my leg and it’s super-hot in the basement so I decide a break is in order.

  “Tanner, I need to go check my phone. I’m supposed to meet Millie later at the bar.”

  “Okay, you know where my room is right?” Tanner says as he hands me a key chain, holding out his room key. He had let me stash my purse in his room before the dance started. Since Tanner was an older member of the house he had a private room with just one other roommate so I knew it would be safe in there.

  “Yup, I’ll be right back.” I told him and make my way up to the third story of the frat.

  There are a few people milling around at the end of the hall but for the most part it is pretty deserted upstairs. I find Tanner’s room and put the key into the lock. I feel the lock snap back as I turn the key and push the door open.

  “Hey, what the fuck man?”

  The voice startles me and my eyes dart across the room to find a guy and a very topless girl tangled in a bunk bed. It takes a minute for my brain to catch up with my eyes but when they do, my breathe is sucked out of me. It’s Cutter and Laney Davis.

  “Paige?” Cutter says staring back at me wide eyed.

  I fumble for the door behind me trying to will my feet to move as quickly as possible. I feel like someone is crushing my chest, it physically hurts so badly. I know he was screwing her. He had her skirt pulled up around her waist and she was on his lap. He was naked from what I could tell.

  I find my barring’s finally spinning around and fly down the stairs. I should probably go tell Tanner that I’m leaving but I don’t. I just find the front door and make my exit. I can’t be in that house another second.

  I make it back to my house and that’s when I realize I left my damn purse in that room. I don’t have my house keys or my phone. Shit, I am royally screwed!

  I go around the house to check the slider. I’m fairly confident I left it ope
n like usual but of course I have shit for luck. It’s locked. I guess I could go over to the bar and see if I can find Millie, but trudging through a bar full of drunken people seems like way to much work right now. I decided instead to go sit on the front porch and wait it out.

  As I sit in my favorite porch chair I keep replaying what I saw in that room. I know that Cutter is no longer mine but it still hurt to see him with Laney. The way he held onto her reminded me of all the intimate moments that had happened between us. He made it seem so easy to be with another person, like I was just replaceable. I couldn’t do that. I may make out with Holden but I certainly haven’t slept with him. I did enjoy my time with Holden but I’m slowly realizing I compare him to Cutter, which isn’t fair. Will I ever truly move on or will I just be forced to watch as he moves on without me?

  “Paige?” I snap out of my thoughts and look up to find Tanner coming up the sidewalk with my purse in his hand.

  “Hey.” I say sheepishly.

  “You okay, kid?” He asks as he takes a seat in the chair next to mine.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry I ran out on you. I just couldn’t be there any longer.” I don’t know if Tanner knows what happened but I don’t really feel like going over it again.

  “I know. He told me what happened.” Tanner says in a somber tone.

  “Oh” is all I can muster up in response.

  “For what it’s worth he feels horrible. He even tried to come over here and bring you your purse himself.”

  “Ha!” I scoff. “Was that after he thoroughly fucked Laney Davis?” I know I am being bitter but it is a valid question.

  “Look Paige, I know I have no right to defend him but the guy cares about you. He was so upset he punched a hole in our wall and now he is getting piss ass drunk to try to forget what happened tonight.” Seriously, you are going to defend him right now? Who are you?

  “You know what Tanner? You are right. You have absolutely no right to defend him. Cutter Daniels is a piece of shit. He doesn’t give two shits about me and I see that clearly now.” I stand up pushing past him on the porch and grab my purse out of his hand. “Thanks for bringing my purse to me.” Tanner watches silently as I enter my house and close the door on him, leaving him stunned outside.

  I take off my makeup and get ready for bed in a fit of rage. I’m seething. I can’t believe the nerve of Tanner. He was actually trying to make me feel bad for Cutter. Why would I feel bad for him? That is ridiculous. Too bad Cutter didn’t actually bring my purse to me, because I would have given him a piece of my mind.

  I hear my phone ding in my room. I had just texted Millie telling her I wasn’t meeting her, so she was probably wanting to know why.

  I’m coming over.

  Definitely not Millie, nope it was Captain Douche Bag himself. The hell I was going to let him come over.

  Eat shit.

  Hopefully that will make him think twice about coming over here.

  We need to talk.

  Like Hell we do!

  Aren’t you busy screwing your girlfriend?

  Take that you asshat!

  I told you I don’t have a girlfriend. Open your front door.

  Oh hell no!

  NO. GO AWAY!

  I know he is on the porch because I can hear him knocking. I try to ignore it. My phone dings.

  Please Paige, I need to see you.

  I think about opening the door for a half a second and then remember seeing him tangled in the bed with Laney. I know he won’t stop though, not unless I tell him the truth.

  This needs to stop Cutter. I don’t want to see you, not ever again. It hurts too much. Please just stop pretending you care about me and let me move on.

  The knocking stops and I hear him step off the porch. When a safe amount of time passes I peek out the front window and confirm that he is indeed gone. I don’t know why but at that moment I feel a profound sense of loss, like there was finality to our conversation.

  I don’t cry when I snuggle up in my bed in the dark. I think I am all cried out over Cutter Daniels. He has gotten the majority of my tears in the last two years and now my body refuses to spill one more tear over him. I am glad for that, I am sick of crying and refuse to do it anymore. It’s time to toughen up girl and get the hell over him.

  CHAPTER 12

  It’s been over two weeks since I walked in on Cutter and Laney. I understand that I don’t really have a right to judge him, since I am kind of seeing Holden, but I still hate him for acting like he gives a damn about me when he clearly doesn’t. Ever since that night I have been in a horrible mood, even Millie doesn’t try to calm me down anymore. I think she has accepted this new angry Paige. I have even stopped listening to the heartbreakingly passionate lyrics of Adele; she has now been replaced them with the angry ramblings of Godsmack and Artic Monkeys. I get that I need to snap out of it and forget I ever had feelings for Cutter but it is just so hard, and to make matters worse it is now homecoming week on campus. While everyone around me is giddy and excited for the biggest event of the semester, I am dreading every minute of it. Mainly because my sorority has been paired with Cutter’s frat, and in a double turn of craptackular luck, my house has also been paired with Holden’s house. Of all the fraternities on campus my sorority has to be paired with the only two in which I have dated guys from. Could this possibly get any worse?

  “Okay ladies the chapter meeting is over, but be sure to check the schedule in the foyer to see what times you have been assigned to watch the homecoming fire at Chi Sigma Rho.” I try to make sense of what our sorority president is saying but I have no idea what she is referring to.

  “What is she talking about Mills?” I ask Mills as we stand to leave the chapter room.

  “Chi Sigma Rho always has a bonfire for the entire homecoming week burning in their front yard and people are assigned times to sit there and watch it. Since we are paired with them this year we will have to help watch the fire.”

  “Uh… like how many hours am I going to have to sit there and watch this random bonfire?”

  “I don’t know probably a few times. It’s really fun though. Last year I went and sat with Tanner on his night watch and we had a blast.”

  “Can I request not to be paired with a certain individual?” I ask pointedly.

  “Look Paige, there are what like sixty to seventy dudes in the frat, the possibility you get paired with him are low.”

  “Yes but you forget I have like the worst luck ever.” I give Mills my signature quizzical eyebrow raise and she just shrugs her shoulders before she turns to head off towards study tables in the kitchen.

  I figure there is no time like the present to see exactly how bad my luck really is. I head over to go read the dreaded list in the foyer. There are several girls congregating around it, so I wait my turn. When I finally make my way to the front I see my name is written down for this evening, but thankfully I am paired with Tanner and Millie. I’m guessing Tanner being social chair had something to do with that. I am also scheduled for Wednesday morning with a couple of guys that I have met once or twice in passing. Then I come to Friday night at midnight and my heart drops down into my stomach. My name is written down right next to Cutters and the absolute cherry on top of this shit sundae, Holden’s name is also written down. Well, this should be the most awkward four hours of my life!

  “Come on Paige we are going to be late for our fire watch.” Millie yells down the hall at me.

  “I’m coming I just have to grab my sweatshirt.” I had run back to my room to grab a second sweatshirt because it has turned cold at night.

  Our shift is supposed to start in ten minutes outside of the frat. I can smell the bonfire as we get closer to Greek row and it makes my nerves go into overdrive. The thought that I will be sitting outside of a house that my now mortal enemy occupies is too much. I would much rather turn in the other direction and run all the way home but I try to remind myself that chances are I won’t ever see him, but deep down I know better.<
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  Mills and I approach the giant bonfire and we see the guys have put several couches and chairs on the front lawn surrounding the fire. They have even laid blankets out, obviously for the girls on duty. Tanner is sitting in a huge beat up reclining chair talking to several guys on a couch. I feel a little better seeing his smiling face.

  “There’s my fellow ladies of the night watch.” Tanner stands to great us both in a humongous hug.

  Millie and I say our hellos to the rest of the guys and pick out our seats on a ratty loveseat next to Tanner’s chair.

  We talk and laugh with all the guys for a long time as we watch the bonfire. Occasionally we have to add more wood to keep it going. It is late now almost midnight. Our shift will be over soon and I’m relieved I haven’t had to see Cutter. I have been avoiding going inside to use the restroom this whole time in fear I would run into him. It’s now late enough that I think he will be asleep or at least in his room for the night.

  “Hey guys I have to run in and use the restroom, I’ll be right back.”

  Mills and Tanner just nod at me as they continue their easy banter back and forth. I really wish those two would have worked out; they are kind of perfect for each other.

  I find my way through the dark halls of the frat to the first floor guest restroom. Word to the wise when hanging out in a fraternity, always use the guest bathroom, it is probably the only one that has ever been cleaned.

  I finish using the restroom and open the door and my breath catches the second my eyes lock with his. He is leaned against the opposite wall with his ankles crossed; clearly he was waiting on me. He must have just come from being in bed because he is dressed only in boxers and a t-shirt.

  “Hello Paige.” He says in a dark tone. Oh shit.

  “What do you want Cutter?”

  “I want to talk to you. Do you have a minute?”

  “No actually I don’t.” I say defiantly and begin to strut past him.

  Cutter snatches my wrist as soon as I am close enough.