Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) Read online

  “What time is it?” I know it’s early because it’s hardly daylight outside my bedroom.

  “It’s 7:45. Which means your late!”

  “How can I be late when it’s still first thing in the morning Mills? What are you even doing up? You hate to wake up early, which is why this friendship works out so well.” I grumble at her.

  “Well today is a special exception because it’s your twenty-first birthday and it is Halloween. So it’s really a two for one special occasion.” She grins at me.

  Yup, my birthday just happens to be on Halloween, scary I know. Last year my birthday was pretty lame. My parents and I celebrated at home. Two years ago Cutter had thrown me a surprise party at his frat. I know your twenty-first birthday is supposed to the best birthday ever and all that, but I just don’t feel in the mood to celebrate.

  Luckily, I have had the good fortune of not seeing Cutter since the night he followed me home from the gym. I haven’t heard from him either, but I still dream of him almost every night. Tanner had tried to talk to me about Cutter recently in philosophy class, but I told him it didn’t matter. I think he was actually going to defend him which pissed me off, but Tanner gave up easily enough and has yet to bring it up again. Cutter’s crazy alpha male possessiveness of me just didn’t make sense. He had a girlfriend and besides that he didn’t want me. He had made that perfectly clear when he left to come back to school and I was alone in a hospital room fighting for my life. Thankfully, Cutter hasn’t scared Holden off. I’m not sure exactly where things are going with Holden and me, but it feels nice. So for right now I’m just going to enjoy myself.

  “So what are you going to wear tonight?” Millie asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “Oh I decided to go with my Black Swan idea.” A few weeks ago I came up with the idea. I had found this awesome bustier and black tutu. I planned on doing my makeup really dark and sexy and I was going to top the whole outfit off with dark stockings and a really pretty black garter set I had bought at Agent Provocateur. The best part of the outfit though is I can wear flats so my leg won’t get too tired.

  “Perfect! My outfit came in the mail yesterday and I am pumped!”

  Millie was going as a naughty nurse, which was classic Mills. I could just see her in the skimpy white outfit and her beautiful red hair; she will drive all the boys wild for sure.

  “So what’s the plan then?”

  “Well let me tell you! We are going to start out at the sorority biad and then we are going to head to The Station after that. Holden and Brooks are going to meet us there.” The Station was a bar that just so happened to share the back alley way with our house. It was the largest one on campus; the entire downstairs was a dance club.

  “Wait, how are you going to get into the bar?” Millie’s birthday wasn’t until December.

  “Fake ID of course.” She smiled and flashed me a card that looked surprisingly real.

  “Mills I don’t want you to get in trouble.”

  “Don’t worry about it P. Most the time they just turn you away and if not I figure a trip to jail can’t be that bad. I think it will make me well rounded.” She says smiling ear to ear.

  “Alright. If you get arrested I will come bail you out.”

  “Sounds good to me. Now get ready for school we have crap to get done!”

  This was either going to be the most fun night of my life or the worst one ever, the jury was still out.

  “We look hot P!” Millie screamed in my ear as we waited in the line to get into the bar. Pretty much Thursday through Saturday there was a line down the block to get into the bar. Millie was right though we did look hot. She was every boy’s fantasy in her naughty nurse outfit that came equipped with its very own stethoscope, which Mills has put to use a few times this evening.

  “Yes we do!” I reply back to her. I was shockingly comfortable in my outfit that didn’t have much to it. I’m pretty sure my butt was barely covered but I was rocking it.

  “Hey you two, up here!” I heard the huge burley bouncer yell at us as he pointed in our direction.

  “Us?” I squeaked.

  “Yes, get up here.” Oh crap he probably knows Millie isn’t of age.

  Mills and I jump out of line and walk to the front. I contemplate continuing to walk right on past him and down the block.

  “ID’s.” He says. Oh no here we go!

  Millie and I hand him our ID’s. He looks at them and hands them back to us.

  “Tanner says to come see him as soon as you get in there. Enjoy ladies.” Oh holy crap, I thought I was going to have a heart attack just now.

  Mills and I make our way through the thick crowd to the front of the bar. I can see Tanner making drinks as fast as his hands can move. He is dressed in a neon tank top that says GTL on the front and he is wearing the most hideous light blue shorts. He is trying to be a dude from Jersey Shore, and it is hilarious.

  “Well, if it isn’t my two favorite ladies!” Tanner says not even looking up at us.

  “Hey Tanner!” Millie and I say in unison.

  “What are you dolls drinking? It’s on me tonight in honor of my Lil Sis’ birthday.”

  “Rum and Diet.” I tell Tanner.

  “Shots.” Millie replies.

  Tanner laughs. “Got it.”

  He makes us four shots of Tequila. They taste horrible going down but I did it. Millie and I stay in the upstairs part of the bar drinking and laughing with Tanner while he works. The bar is crazy busy because it is Halloween. Most of the girls are dressed in something totally short and totally tight. The guys’ outfits run the gamut from scary to silly. The people watching in the bar is amazing.

  “Hey ladies.” I hear Brooks says as he approaches us. He is dressed like a doctor in scrubs. Holden is right behind him and he is dressed like a cop, a very hot cop. Mills and I greet Holden and Brooks and we share a round of drinks upstairs.

  “Who’s ready to dance? Birthday girl?” Holden asks winking at me from across the table.

  “Let’s do it!” I know I’m getting past the point of tipsy and going straight to drunk but I’m having tons of fun.

  We head downstairs to the dance club part of the bar. The bass from the rap music that is thumping through the speakers makes the walls vibrate. There is a sea of people in front of us dancing.

  Mills makes her way through the crowd dragging me with her. The boys follow behind us. When Mills finds enough of a hole in the crowd we stop and start dancing. The alcohol is giving me courage to dance a little more provocatively than I’m used to, but hey it’s my birthday, right?

  We dance for several songs when the crowd starts to thin a bit. Millie grabs me by the hand pulling me with her toward the front of the dance floor. On either side of the dance floor are two stage platforms that float in the middle of the crowd. They are outfitted with cages and poles.

  “Come on Paige, hurry up before we get stuck in the crowd again.” Millie screams in my ear as we make our way toward one of the floating platforms.

  “I can’t go up there Mills!” I pull back on her hand trying to make her stop but she refuses.

  “Live a little Paige!” She screams back at me.

  Maybe she is right. I need to live a little. I climb the stairs to the platform behind Millie and watch as she sashays her way into the cage with the pole. Ariana Grande’s Problem comes on and the crowd breaks loose dancing to the club hit. I watch as Millie struts her stuff in the cage spinning around the pole. I say a silent prayer and join her in the cage. I begin shaking my hips next to Millie and soon I find my rhythm in the beat. Several guys below the stage howl and grab at Mills and me. I just ignore them but it secretly gives me a boost of confidence I desperately need. I shake my hips and butt driving my little crowd of onlookers mad.

  “Way to go girl! Make ‘em beg for it.” Millie yells in my ear next to me as the song changes to Black Widow by Iggy Azalea. I love this song; it pretty much sums up my life right now.

  I grab
the metal bars of the cage and bend over shaking my booty for the crowd behind me. I’m sure my butt is totally hanging out of my costume and everyone can see my underwear but I could care less. I’m cutting loose and it feels great.

  I turn around and continue to shake it for the boys in front of me. I feel someone approach me from behind, pushing against me so I am pressed against the cage. They cover my hands with their own on top of the bars. It was probably the massive amounts of alcohol I consumed but I am transported back in time to when Cutter and I made love against Dex’s stall. I can still feel the way Cutter guided my body expertly that night and let myself disappear into past. I push back against the stranger behind me, grinding my butt into his groin.

  “Yes darling that’s it.” I hear him whisper gently in my ear and then he quickly releases me.

  My head snaps back to identify the mystery man but there is no one there. Shit I guess I am way drunker than I thought.

  CHAPTER 10

  Millie and I dance for a several more songs in the cage before I tell her I need to use the restroom. I have yet to break the seal but I know I need to go so I tell Mills that I will be right back. I weave my way through the crowd towards the back where the restrooms are. I can just see the line of girls waiting outside when a pair of large hands grab me and pull me into the darkness.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” The owner of the large hands demands.

  I know it’s him.

  “Let me go Cutter.” I say as I squirm for him to release my hand. I can see his silhouette in the glow of the neon lights from inside the bar. He is wearing a firefighter outfit. He has on the classic khaki pants with red stripes on the side and then a simple tight white t-shirt with red suspenders over it. The sight of him is almost too much for me. A flood of memories hits me as I relish in his touch.

  “No. What the hell are you thinking? You’re seriously drunk and you’re wearing that?”

  I suddenly feel self-conscious about my outfit, which pisses me off. “I like my outfit.”

  “There is nothing to it. Every guy in here can see your damn butt.” He growls still holding me captive.

  “What do you care if they can?” I growl back at him.

  “Don’t start with me Paige.” Really? Who the heck does he think he is?

  “No don’t you start with me. I am not yours. You have no claim on me.”

  He looks down for a moment. “How can I forget?” He says softly with his eyes still downcast.

  “Don’t you have a girlfriend that needs your attention? She has already established she doesn’t like you being around me.”

  “We broke up.” Wait, what?

  “Well that’s too bad; you guys seemed perfect for each other.” I spit back. I know I am being snatchy but he brings it out in me.

  He doesn’t say anything back to me just stares at me. It’s like he is searching my eyes for something, what I have no idea.

  “Okay, well as much as this has been fun, I need to go use the restroom now.”

  He lets go of my hand and I spin on my heels stalking off to the bathroom. As soon as I hit the stall my alcohol consumption for the evening hits me like a wave. I was going to puke and there was nothing I could do to stop it, so much for my fun birthday.

  I don’t know how long I had been in the bathroom laying on the tile floor of the stall when I hear a commotion. The stall door bursts open and Cutter stands there with his hands against the walls of the stall. He looks absolutely terrifyingly pissed off.

  “Damn it Paige.” He growls and bends down gently picking me up. He carries me through the crowd making sure no one bumps into me. We arrived at the exit door in the back part of the bar and he pushes his way through it. We are in the alley that is behind my house. The cool night air hits me and it feels amazing. I realize I should care that Cutter just dragged me out of the bar and I didn’t tell Millie or Holden where I was going, but I can’t, I’m too sick. Cutter carries me through the alley and to the sliding back door of my house.

  “Key?” He asks.

  “It’s open. We usually forget to lock it.” I say through my drunken haze.

  He curses under his breath and opens the door carrying me inside the house.

  “Bedroom?” He asks.

  “Oh, on the right.” I say and lean back against his chest inhaling his cologne deeply. I have missed his smell.

  “Sit Paige.” He says as he gently sets me on the edge of my bed. He turns and starts riffling through my dresser drawers. “Where are your favorite pajamas?”

  It takes a minute for my drunken mind to process what he is asking. “They don’t fit anymore, too big. I had to get rid of them.”

  He mutters something and I stare in wonderment as he pulls out a pair of pajamas from the drawer. He turns back to me and sets them next to me on the bed.

  “Turn around.” He says in a low tone.

  “Cutter…” Who, what is he trying to do?

  “Turn around Page. I’m going to help you, so don’t argue.”

  I do as he asks because I know there is absolutely no way I can undo all those eyelet hooks in the back of this bustier. It took Millie almost fifteen minutes to get them all hooked properly. Cutter takes his time slowly undoing each one. It feels weird having him touch me like this but I don’t deny that I like it. I know I should feel bad about letting Cutter do this when I have been seeing Holden but my drunken state chases any guilt away.

  He undoes the last hook and pulls the material from my skin. I should have thought this out better, but the majority of me really could care less at this point. I have no bra on. I’m completely topless standing in front of him now. He sucks in a sharp breath and reaches next to me to grab the pajama top. He helps me pull it over my head and I go to sit down on the bed.

  “Stand up.”

  “Oh uh….” Okay this is getting super weird.

  “Paige…” He growls. I give in, not wanting to fight him. I know he will just force me to stand if I refuse, so I go ahead and stand.

  He pulls my black sparkly tutu down my legs revealing my black stockings, matching garter and lacy black thong.

  “So beautiful.” He whispers and begins to slowly unhook my garter. Next he rolls my stockings down my legs and pulls them off my feet. Blame it on the alcohol or the fact that I have lived with my scars for nearly two years now but I forgot about them. That is until I hear Cutter suck in a deep pained breath and I feel him trace the long scar that runs from the bottom of my left butt cheek to the middle of my thigh. It isn’t my only scar from the accident but it is by far the worst. A large piece of windshield glass had cut a long painful gash down my leg nearly causing me to bleed to death.

  I can tell things have changed now he is trying his best not to look at me as he pulls my pajama bottoms up and into place.

  “I uh need to…” I can’t think. I need to do something but what is it? Think drunken brain, think!

  “Do you need to throw up again?” He looks up at me super concerned.

  “No, I need to call Millie to tell her I got sick and came home. She is probably looking for me.”

  “I’ll text her. Give me your phone.” He says.

  I hand him my phone. I lay back on the bed because my head is spinning and it’s too hard to focus on the strange things that are happening.

  “Do I need to text your boyfriend too?”

  “No!”

  “Just checking.” He says with his signature sexy grin.

  Cutter finishes the text to Millie and places my phone on my nightstand.

  “Thanks for uh… helping me.” I tell him, still a little embarrassed about him seeing me naked and that he saw my hideous scar. I know tomorrow it will really freak me out but luckily I have a drunken haze keeping my anxiety at bay tonight.

  “Why don’t we go see about getting your makeup off, huh?” I remembered now that I have thick dark eyeliner on to make me look like the Black Swan.

  “Yeah good idea.” I say and try to pus
h off from the bed but am too dizzy to manage it.

  “Hang on, let me help you.” He says helping me to my feet.

  He sits on the toilet with the lid down watching me like a hawk as I take my makeup off and brush my teeth. I can feel his eyes on me, evaluating everything about me.

  “You’re too skinny Paige.” Okay, rude much?

  “Gee thanks.” I say showing that I’m offended.

  “I mean it. You have lost too much weight. You look unwell.” Seriously? I think I look good but whatever.

  “Well that’s what happens when you almost die and undergo multiple surgeries, you look unwell.” I say pointedly.

  “I don’t like it. I liked you with curves.” Well it doesn’t really matter what you like, now does it?

  I choose not to say anything in return and just scoff at his comment. I’m feeling a little more like myself so I turn to walk down the hall.

  I take my first step and bam, I hit the floor. This happens sometimes. If I have been doing too much, sitting too long, or standing in a weird position my leg goes numb and I don’t realize it until I have taken a face full of dirt.

  “Paige!” Cutter says as he jumps up from where he is sitting and rushes to my side. Seriously, could I embarrass myself some more in front of my ex?

  “I’m fine, I’m fine. This happens sometimes. I loose feeling, it’s not a big deal.” I say trying to use the wall to brace myself so I can stand up.

  “Here, let me.” He says and scoops me up into his arms. He walks me back to my room and to the bed. He folds back the comforter and tucks me neatly into the covers.

  “Thanks.” I say sheepishly. Can you die of embarrassment?

  “You need your rest Paige.” He walks over to the side of the room and shuts off the lights. The only light on now is the small bedside lamp on my nightstand.

  “I am pretty tired. I did do a lot of dancing.”

  “Yes you did darling.”

  I sit straight up in my bed looking at him wide eyed. “It was you, wasn’t it?”

  “What are you talking about?” He blinks a few times in confusion.