Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) Read online

  “We need to talk.” He is pissed.

  “Actually no we don’t.” I try to fling his hand off my wrist by shaking my arm but this just makes him grasp it tighter.

  “Yes we do.” Alright that’s it, I have had enough. This shit ends now!

  “Ummm are you fucktarded or something? We have nothing to talk about. You are a liar. You said you didn’t have a girlfriend and then I walked in on you screwing her. I don’t know why I am surprised, it’s not like it was the first time you have lied to me. So no, I don’t think we need to chat.”

  Cutter yanks on my hand hard so I’m forced closer to him.

  “I did not lie to you. I don’t have a girlfriend and I was not screwing her!” He growls increasing his hold on me. I can feel his fingers leaving marks in my skin and I begin to panic slightly.

  “Cutter stop, you’re…you’re hurting me.” I’m surprised at my own voice; you could plainly hear the distress.

  He instantly drops my hand and backs away from me. I grab my wrist protectively trying to get the blood to flow again through it. I’m too shocked at what has transpired to even move. He looks at me for a half a second like he wants to say something and then just turns and leaves. It takes me a few minutes to get my baring’s again. When I finally calm down I return to the bonfire outside.

  “You ready to go P?” Mills glances at me as I close the front door behind me.

  “Yeah, I’m ready.” I know I could tell Mills and Tanner what happened in the house but I think better of it. I just want to forget about it.

  We say our goodbyes to Tanner and start our short walk home.

  “You okay?” Mills watches me from the corner of her eye.

  “Fine, just tired is all.” I lie.

  “Yeah I have a feeling this week is going to be exhausting.”

  “Totally.”

  This week is going to be exhausting. I have no idea how I’m going to face Friday night. I know I can’t handle another encounter like I had tonight. At least I have a few days before I have to deal with that reality.

  My alarm blares next to my bed. It is five in the freaking morning. I thought homecoming week is supposed to be all fun and games. This is like cruel and unusual punishment if you ask me. I climb out of bed and throw on my fleece yoga pants and a warm sweatshirt. I top my amazingly hot outfit off with my favorite John Deere baseball hat. There was no point in showering; I was just going to get all stinky from the bonfire so I pulled on the warmest clothes I have for my two hour shift over at the frat. The good news is I have been paired with a couple of guys I don’t really know so I can probably just sleep on one of the couches outside. As I leave the house I snag a soft blanket from the living room to take with me.

  Greek row is absolutely dead. There is no one on the streets as I make the short walk to Chi Sigma Rho. I’m glad. I don’t want to run into anyone I know, I just want to get these two hours over and come back home to sleep some more before my first class.

  I turn the corner to head into the front lawn of the frat and I see a guy huddled up in the reclining chair Tanner had sat in the other day.

  I approach the fire and the guy in the chair stirs a bit. I quietly wrap myself in my blanket and settle in the couch closest to me. I’m thankful my partner is asleep and I don’t have to make small talk with him. I snuggle down into my couch and shut my eyes.

  “Alright Brian your shift is done. I’m taking over.”

  I don’t even need to open my eyes to know it’s him. My hope is that I’m just having a nightmare or something, but I know I’m just not that lucky. I hear Brian get up out of his chair and Cutter take his place. I refuse to open my eyes, hoping I can continue to play possum.

  “You can stop pretending to sleep now Paige.” Seriously I have the worst luck ever!

  I crack one eye open. “What are you doing here? You’re not on the schedule for fire watch today.”

  “I know I switched with the other guys.” He did what?

  Alright, that had my attention. I open both eyes and swing my legs around so I’m sitting upright. “Why?”

  “I thought it was necessary.” He says allusively which really ticks me off.

  “Well whatever floats your boat, I guess.” I put my legs back up on the couch and tuck myself in my blanket. I close my eyes and try the possum approach again.

  CHAPTER 13

  I should have known my possum approach wouldn’t work with him. I hear Cutter get up from the recliner and move closer to me.

  “I told you the other day we need to talk Paige.” I squint my eyes open and find him sitting on the couch next to me.

  “And I told you the other day we have nothing to talk about.” I glare at him.

  “Yes, I know you said that. I also know how head strong you are. That is why I switched my fire watch times. I knew you were coming this morning and I thought maybe I could talk to you while it was quiet.”

  “I have nothing to say to you.” I say flatly.

  “That’s fine, but I have things to say to you.”

  “Nothing you say will change anything Cutter.”

  “That may be true but there are things I need to say regardless.”

  “Fine, talk then.” I cross my hands over my chest and lean back against the arm of the couch, looking squarely at him.

  “I need you to know how horrible I feel about the other night at date dash. I didn’t mean for you to see any of that. It was not my intention to hurt you that way.” He says in slow yet deliberate tone.

  “I know that. I walked into your room, not the other way around.” I try to play it cool.

  “Regardless, I feel bad that you saw any of that. I can’t imagine that was easy for you. I know I would have gone nuts had roles been reversed.”

  “Well thanks for feeling bad I guess, but it really is none of my business now. Is it?”

  Cutter lets out a deep sigh. “I’m sorry I keep hurting you Paige. I don’t want to, but it just keeps happening.”

  “I know you don’t intend to hurt me. I think we just need space and time. The wounds of the past haven’t healed so anything that happens now just keeps them fresh, do you know what I mean?”

  “Yeah I think I do.”

  “I think Laney was probably right.”

  “Huh?” He looks at me baffled.

  “She said it was best if we kept our distance from each other. I think she was right.” I shift on the couch, scrunching my sleeves of my sweatshirt up around my wrists. It’s a nervous habit I have and I find myself getting extremely nervous as we share our truths.

  Cutter doesn’t respond and I fiddle with my watch, willing it to move faster. I can feel him staring at me so I look up. When I do I realize he isn’t looking at me per se, but my arm. His face is ashen white.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask startled at his behavior.

  “Did I do that?” His voice is barely above a whisper.

  I look down at my arm and remember now that I have deep purplish bruises on my wrist from where he grabbed me the other night. Cutter had grabbed me hard but in all honesty it wasn’t really his fault the bruises look so bad. Ever since my accident my body bruises easily. The doctors said it has something to do with all the loss of blood and transfusions I received. The bruises I get don’t hurt but they can look horrible. I have just lived with it for the last two years so I don’t think much about it now, but I can see where this may look way worse too him.

  “Did I?” He growls.

  “Well yes, but it’s not really your fault. I bruise easy now since my accident. It looks way worse than it actually is.”

  “I just keep doing it, don’t I?” He says stone faced.

  He doesn’t wait for me to respond he just gets up and stalks into the house, slamming the front door behind him. A few minutes later I hear his truck start up in the back parking lot and tear off.

  I’m totally confused. I get that it might upset him a little bit but he is totally overreacting. Of all the Cutter Daniels of
fenses I have endured I would say this one is the least upsetting. Plus I was the one with the bruises not him. What a freaking drama queen!

  “Wait, what do you mean Cutter and Holden are both assigned to fire watch with you tonight?”

  Millie looks at me from across the kitchen table like I have three heads.

  “Exactly what I just said, we are all on fire watch tonight.” I say numbly. The truth is I am numb. Ever since Cutter stormed off because of my bruises I have been in a daze. I am more confused than ever at what is happening between us. I don’t understand why he cares so much; the only thing I can come up with is he feels guilty for hurting me.

  “Wow, okay you really do have some craptackular luck my friend.”

  “I know I do.” I continue eating my dinner slowly. Mills and I made enchiladas before we get ready to head to the bar for a while. My plan is to get a good enough buzz on so I can deal with this epically big shit storm coming my way tonight.

  “Well I guess the only thing we can do now is get some liquid courage in you before your shift. What time do you have to be at the frat?”

  “Midnight.” I tell her glumly.

  “Well that gives us approximately four hours to get you rip roaring drunk enough that you don’t care what happens at fire watch. So go get ready.”

  “Alright.” I stand up and put my dishes in the sink and head toward my bedroom to get ready for what I know will be one of the worst nights ever.

  True to her word, Mills helped get my buzz on before I had to head over to the dreaded Chi Sigma Rho house. Holden and Brooks even showed up at the bar. Holden helped me relax a bit. The four of us shot pool for a couple of hours and I continued to self-medicate with rum and diets. I had not worked up enough courage to tell Holden that Cutter was on fire watch with us but he probably saw it for himself on the schedule. I decide avoiding it and pretending like it wasn’t happening is a better approach.

  “I guess we should be heading over to the frat for our shift.” Holden says as he watches me suck down the last of my fourth rum and diet.

  “Yeah I guess.” I search around the pool table for Millie. I want to say goodbye to her before I leave. I finally spot her at the bar getting another drink so I wonder over delaying my inevitable departure.

  “You out girl?” Mills asks me holding onto two beers.

  “Yup.” I give her a half fake smile.

  “Maybe he won’t show up? Maybe after the other day he decided to just leave it alone?”

  “Let’s hope.” But I know better, Cutter will be there. He will not miss this opportunity to have me and Holden as a captive audience.

  Mills gives me a hug while juggling her two beer bottles.

  “You will be fine. If shit gets out of hand just leave.”

  “Will do.” I hug her back and walk over to where Holden is waiting for me.

  It’s a short walk from the bar to Chi Sigma Rho. When Holden and I get to the front lawn Cutter is already sitting next to the fire in the recliner. He is wearing a thick black jacket and his favorite Seahawks baseball hat. He doesn’t look at us as we approach him; he just keeps staring at the fire almost as if he is in a daze. I notice next to the recliner is a half empty bottle of whiskey and I assume that is his.

  I don’t really want to break the peaceful trance he is in but I feel like I should say something to him.

  “Hello Cutter.” I say settling in the couch across the fire from him. Holden sits down next to me.

  His head snaps back and his eyes lock on me. “Oh hey.”

  I can tell he is in a bad space in his mind. It is written all over his dark and brooding face. I have no reason to feel bad for him but I can’t help it, he looks miserable. What was he thinking about when we walked up? Was he thinking about us? Or was he thinking about Laney?

  “Hey man, I’m Holden.” I am broken out of my silent meltdown that is taking the form of twenty questions in my head by Holden who has decided to stand up and go over to introduce himself to Cutter. What the hell is he doing? Is he insane? Does he not remember this is the guy that full on attacked him on the cruise?

  I brace for the worst against the back of the couch like I am watching a scary movie. But surprisingly Cutter doesn’t hit him he shakes Holden’s hand and introduces himself. I am in utter shock. I was prepared for world war III or something. Cutter however, remains calm except for a steely gaze he shoots in my direction as Holden returns to sit beside me. As Holden sits down next to me I instinctively move closer to the arm of the couch not sure at how Cutter will react to seeing me with Holden.

  We sit with a safety buffer and an awkward silence between us for some time, but finally Holden breaks it.

  “So how do you guys know each other?” He says to Cutter and places his arm behind me on the back of the couch. What the hell is he doing? He knows he is my ex.

  “Paige and I use to date.” Cutter states plainly.

  “Oh, have guys known each other a long time then?” Holden scoots closer to me on the couch clearly staking his claim.

  “Since we were kids.” He replies.

  “I see.” Holden says back. I am not totally sure but I think some sort of silent line in the sand is being drawn.

  “What about you guys? How did you meet?” Cutter asks pointedly. Okay, what the freaking heck is happening here?

  “Millie introduced us at the beginning of school.” I pipe up at an attempt to cut off this bizarre line of questioning.

  Thankfully, a silence settles between us and I think I have steered the conversation away from the awkwardness.

  “So that’s it? No story? Just we met because Millie introduced us?” Cutter glares at me. He knows what he is doing, I can see that now. He is purposely looking for a fight, but I refuse to give him one. I will just ignore him.

  “Well actually, Paige is being modest. We met through Millie but we became close when we started swimming together to rehab Paige’s back. You know about her accident I assume?” Oh hell, I feel a full on pissing contest coming on.

  “Yes, I know about her accident.”

  I know Cutter is getting close to losing it. The mere fact that Holden has mentioned my accident is too much.

  “Well Paige was convinced that her back couldn’t get any better but I somehow managed to get her to trust me enough to try swimming therapy with me. The first day she came to the pool I could tell it was hard for her but she was so determined, she pushed through all the pain. She blew my mind; I had never met anyone as determined as she was. So I decided that day I needed to get to know her better, and we have been ever since.” Holden looks down at me adoringly and I flash him a quick smile. “Plus seeing her in that black bikini made her hard to resist.” Oh shit, no he did not just say that!

  I can feel Cutter seething from across the bonfire. Holden seems totally unaware, either that or he is goading him. It’s a complete toss up at this point but one thing is for sure, I am dead meat!

  CHAPTER 14

  “I uh… I need to use the restroom.” I stand up and dart away from the awkwardness by the bonfire not looking back. Those two may kill each other by the time I return but I had to get out of there. I also really did need to use the bathroom, I had drank a lot at the bar and had yet to break the seal.

  I make my way down the hallway of the frat toward the bathroom, it is dark inside and I can hear a few people rustling around but for the most part it is empty. I’m guessing most of the guys are either at the bar or at the huge homecoming mixer. I reach the guest bathroom and to my dismay it is in use. I can hear someone inside with the facet on so I lean against the opposite wall to wait.

  It doesn’t take long and the door opens and I come face to face with Laney Davis.

  “Oh hey Paige.” Laney says in a sickly sweet voice.

  “Hey.”

  “What are you doing here?” Blunt much?

  “I’m on fire watch.” I don’t know why I even told her this much, I should have just said it was none of her business and s
hoved past her into the bathroom.

  “Oh that’s right your sorority is paired with Chi Sigma Rho.”

  “Yup, well if you’ll excuse me I need to use the restroom.” AKA move out of the damn way.

  Laney steps aside and starts toward the staircase right next to the bathroom. Where the heck is she going? Is she looking for Cutter?

  “Umm… if you are looking for Cutter he is outside by the bonfire.” What are you doing? Why would you tell her any of that?

  “Oh I know. I’m just going to wait for him in his bed.” She sneers and disappears up the stairs. What?!?!

  I quickly shuffle myself into the tiny bathroom. The second I am inside I let out the breath I have been holding in during that entire exchange with Laney. I don’t know why I let her unnerve me so much, she just gets under my skin. As I stand there having a mini meltdown trying to get my emotions under control I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and what I see shocks me. I look exhausted, I am pale and weak looking. I don’t recognize the person staring back at me. Then the realization settles in that I have allowed myself to get here. I have worked so hard to overcome so many obstacles but every time I am faced with Cutter Daniels I come out defeated inside and out. That had to end now.

  I quickly use the restroom and head back out to the fire. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do or say now but Laney had lit a fire inside of me and it was full on raging now.

  “What I’m saying is stay away from her. If you claim you want her to be happy then step aside and let her be. From what I hear you have done a real number on her, Bro.” Shit I know that is Holden’s voice.

  I was just headed back to the fire when I heard Cutter and Holden arguing so I paused in the shadows to listen to their heated exchange. Cutter has now stalked forward invading Holden’s personal space as he sits still relaxed on the couch.

  “She may not be mine anymore and she will probably never be mine again, but at least I will be comforted by the fact that every time you kiss her, every time you touch her, and every time you fuck her she will be thinking of me, always of me. I have marked her as mine, do you understand Bro?” Oh hell no he did not just say that!