Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) Page 14

  I shake my head yes. I’m a ball of nerves now but Cutter reassures me by kissing me lazily. We kiss like that for a long time before he pulls away from me and leans over the bed. I see him grab his jeans and pull out a foil package. He places it next to us on the bed.

  “Are you on birth control?” Uh I’m a virgin why the hell would I need birth control?

  “No.” I give him a look of complete confusion.

  “You’re going to need to do something about that and soon. I want to be with you Paige and I need there to be nothing between us.” His eyes are hooded but they shimmer with his confession.

  “Okay.” I say simply. I’m totally astonished by his words.

  Cutter hovers over me and with one hand he grabs the condom and rolls it on. I watch him do this and I start to freak out a bit. I feel my heart thump wildly in my chest.

  “Paige, look at me.” I do as he requests. “I’m going to go slow baby but I need you to tell me if it’s too much.”

  He lines our bodies up and I close my eyes. I don’t know what I’m expecting but I’m terrified nonetheless.

  “Paige, open your eyes sweetheart. I need to see that you’re okay.”

  I slowly open my eyes. Cutter is watching me. There is a mixture of hunger and pain in his eyes. I gaze into his eyes as he gently slides into me ever so slowly. Cutter pauses letting me adjust to his intrusion. He looks at me questioning if he can continue. I nod my head.

  Cutter pushes forward, forcing me to take more of him until I feel hard pressure which stops his movement. It’s uncomfortable but not unbearable.

  “Do you trust me?” I can tell he is struggling to hold back.

  “Yes.” I pant.

  Cutter slowly pulls back out of me leaving me confused. I’m about to protest his retreat when I feel him surge forward. There is distinct snap and it hurts. There is no doubt about that, but it is immediately replaced by pleasure as Cutter enters me fully and stops.

  “Paige, are you okay darling? I need to move but I want to make sure you are okay.” There is still pain etched in his face.

  I totally intend to answer him but instead I let out a low moan and move against him.

  He lets out a light chuckle at my response and begins to move inside of me. He goes slowly as if he is trying to soothe the soreness. It works and I find myself matching his thrusts lightly with my hips. When my body responds to his, he begins to increase his speed little bit by little bit. It feels amazing and I let him know this by grabbing his back encouraging him to go faster.

  I feel a low burn in my center that continues to grow. I have felt this burn before but this is much more intense. It feels like Cutter is actually melting me from the inside out. I know I’m on the verge of coming apart. I grab madly at Cutter’s back and he growls in appreciation. I can tell he is close as well. I become embolden by Cutter’s growls and grab his butt grinding him into me. This makes him curse and he drives into me so hard I come instantly. He follows me cursing intermixed with “I love you.”

  Cutter falls in a heap on top of me and attempts to slow his breathing. We lay locked together for several minutes before he leans back and begins inspecting my body. What he is looking for I don’t really know but I begin to feel embarrassed.

  “I’m sorry I was too rough darling. Does it hurt bad?” He thinks he hurt me?

  “I’m fine Cutter, really. I’m not hurt.”

  He looks at me skeptically. “Are you sure? I was trying to go slow but I just lost control. You get me so worked up.”

  “Stop it. I’m fine. In fact I really enjoyed it until you started freaking out just now.” He is pissing me off. He is ruining my amazing high with his unwarranted concern.

  He must get it because he stops looking me over and looks at me sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” I tell him and my annoyance subsides.

  Cutter rolls off of me and hooks his arm around my waist pulling me so my backside is against his front. “I love you Paige. I love you so damn much.”

  “I love you too.” I tell him as I sink deeper against him.

  “I’m sorry I freaked out. I just never want to hurt you.”

  “It’s alright, but if you still feel bad I know how you can make it up to me.” I press my butt against him to taunt him.

  Cutter moans behind me. “Darling be careful what you wish for. You are mine and I intend to have you anytime I want.”

  Warmth blooms in my lower abdomen and I rub my legs together to quench the ever growing ache that’s building in between my thighs.

  “You need to rest baby. Your body is going to be sore for a few days and it will hurt if I take you again tonight.” Well shit there goes that plan.

  I let out a small huff at his comment which makes him laugh. Cutter pulls the covers over us both keeping me tucked in close to him. I know he falls asleep quickly because his breathing evens out and I listen to his heart take on a steady rhythm. I’m too wired to sleep. I can’t get over what has transpired in these last few days. I am so happy which scares me a bit. If this goes badly I will never recover. It will break all of me not just part of me.

  CHAPTER 22

  “Hey hooker you awake?” Shit, shit, shit, Lacey is coming down the hall.

  “Uh…” Is all I get out before the door to my room swings open and Lacey barges inside.

  “Oh hell. You did the damn thing didn’t you?” I’m going to murder Lacey.

  “GET OUT.” Cutter says as he covers me with the blankets.

  “Easy there tiger. I’m on your side here. It’s about time someone stole that V-card she had a death grip on.”

  “GET THE FUCK OUT” Cutter growls.

  “Fine. I’ll be raiding the kitchen, so hurry up we have a ton of horses to work today.”

  “Close the door behind you.” Cutter says sternly but Lacey just struts her way out of the room purposefully leaving it open.

  “I’m sorry. She doesn’t really know about boundaries.” I tell him.

  “Apparently” he mutters. Well hello Mr. Cranky pants.

  I need to fix this and quick before he gets super moody. I have seen Cutter that way before and it’s not fun. This calls for some distraction, so I slide my body on top of his straddling him. We are both still naked from the night before and the minute our flesh touches I come alive. It has the same effect on Cutter because I feel his thick length harden underneath me.

  “Are you looking for round two baby?” He asks in a husky voice.

  “Maybe.” I reply playfully and rock my hips back and forth. He groans loudly.

  “I can hear that.” Lacey yells from the kitchen. She is so dead.

  “I hate her.” Cutter says.

  “I know, so do I.” I tell him and I climb off of him. When I hit the ground I wince. I am definitely sore.

  “You okay? You sore?” Concern flashes across Cutter’s face.

  “Yeah a little bit. This should make riding interesting.” I give him a sideways smile.

  “Sit down. Where is your aspirin?” He climbs off the bed.

  I tell him where it is in the bathroom. He returns with a glass of water and two pills. “Here. These should help. Maybe you shouldn’t ride today.”

  “Nah, I’ll be fine. I’m just not use to it yet, but I will be soon.” I tell him playfully.

  “Oh baby you will never get use to this.” He says and pushes me back against the mattress kissing me.

  “Okay seriously gross guys! Pull it together.” Lacey yells.

  Cutter and I both groan in annoyance at our unwanted intruder. I know she will not give up until I go out there.

  “I have to go. She won’t stop until I go out there.”

  “Fine.” Great, Mr. Moody is back. Thanks Lacey!

  I head out to the kitchen to find Lacey making bacon and eggs.

  “You love birds done in there? We have lots to do today.”

  “Yes, I just need to go change into my riding stuff.”

  “You wa
nt some of this?” She asks tipping the skillet towards me.

  “Sure, save me some. I’ll be right back.”

  When I return to the kitchen Cutter and Lacey are talking in hushed tones. I can tell he is annoyed at her. He looks as if he is giving her an earful and surprisingly Lacey just listens. He must be telling her to knock next time.

  “Okay I’m ready.” I say to Lacey.

  “Great. I’ll go get a couple of ‘em saddled. Meet me out there when you’re done eating.” She strides over to the kitchen door that leads to the patio. Lacey always comes through this door because her family’s house is back behind my parents’. “Now don’t you jump her bones again hot stuff, I need her in riding condition today.” She says to Cutter as she swings the door shut behind her.

  I just roll my eyes at Lacey’s exit and dish up a plate of food. Cutter does the same and we sit and eat at the large granite island in the center of the kitchen.

  “What are you going to do today?” I ask him.

  “I need to go home. I haven’t been home to see my Mom and she probably needs my help.”

  I instantly feel guilty. I had forgotten that since we had come home Cutter still hasn’t gone to see his family. I then think about the fight he had with Cooper at the hospital and feel even worse. I hate being the thing that is dividing them.

  “Okay. Well, maybe you should stay there tonight.”

  “Are you trying to get rid of me?” No!

  “No, I just know that your Mom needs you and I’m totally fine staying on my own.”

  “Paige, we already discussed this. I will go help my Mom today and I’ll be back later tonight.”

  “Okay.” I say and get up to put my dishes in the sink.

  “I can’t be without you Paige so please stop asking me to be.” Whoa Mr. Serious is back.

  “I don’t want to be without you either. I just don’t want to come between you and your family.”

  “You’re not, so stop worrying.” He comes around the island and hugs me. His touch reassures me and soothes my anxiety.

  “I better go.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you tonight? I love you.” He says and kisses the top of my head.

  “I love you too. See you tonight.”

  The minute he leaves I feel a bit sad, which is pathetic I know but I can’t help it, I love being around him.

  When I reach the barn Lacey has Dex saddled and another young bay Quarter horse gelding named Jax.

  “You okay to ride?” She asks with her eyebrow cocked up and a big smile spread across her face.

  “Yes, I’m fine.” I growl back to her.

  “Just checking.” She tosses me a bridle. “You’re riding Dex today. I thought one milestone should be celebrated with another.”

  “Lace, are you sure? I don’t want to mess with his program.” I am nervous to ride Dex because he is in training and so far only Titus rides him.

  “Cut the nervous crap Paige. Dex is ready to go. I have been riding him while my Dad is gone. It’s time you guys get to know each other.” She doesn’t wait for me to respond she simply just leads Jax toward the arena.

  I’m slightly nervous still but I know Lacey is right. Dex and I need to start working as a team. I trust Lacey and if she says he is ready, then he is. I lead Dex into the arena. I tighten my saddle and climb on top of Dex. He is so much taller than The Biz. He is lanky too. Since he is young he still hasn’t filled out through his body. It feels like my legs are going to touch when I squeeze them, asking him to move forward.

  “Just sit back and act like it’s The Biz your riding.” Lacey says looking over while trotting Jax.

  I slowly walk Dex around the arena letting him look at things. Young horses can be notoriously spooky so it’s always best to let them see their surroundings before asking them to do their job. Dex doesn’t seem to care about anything so I cluck him forward asking for him to jog. He immediately picks it up and drops his head, rounding himself. His movement is smooth and easy to sit to, he has some cadence issues but I see the potential is there.

  “He has a great topline doesn’t he?” Lacey asks breaking me out of my concentration.

  “Yeah he does.” Lacey is right. Dex has natural control over his neck and shoulders. He keeps his body framed with seemingly little effort. Some horses it takes a lot of contorting to get them to hold their bodies in frame, especially when they are young. The fact Dex has this natural ability is rare and speaks volumes about his talent.

  “Go ahead and lope him. Sit back and use that outside leg to encourage him but keep the inside leg there to support the shoulder.” Lace is loping Jax at the other end of the arena. I can see Jax doesn’t have the same level of talent Dex does. Lacey constantly has to kick Jax forward to keep him going.

  I do as she says and Dex easily lopes off. His rhythm is perfect. I melt down into my saddle, letting my body follow his slow 1, 2, 3 stride. “Holy cow this horse can lope.” I say to Lacey.

  “Yup, that horse can lope a hole in the ground. This one over here can’t lope for shit.” She says with a chuckle.

  I continue to lope Dex for a while and then turn him and go the other direction. Going to the left is more difficult for Dex but it is not bad. I can tell though he his right-hoofed. Horses, just like people, are right-handed or left-handed. Some have very distinct abilities one way and nothing the other. It can be like trying to ride two completely horses. I am happy Dex’s weaker direction isn’t horribly uneven. I know we can strengthen it with lot of conditioning.

  I continue to ride Dex for a long time. Lace has already put Jax away and pulled out a grey mare to ride. I know I should get off of him, but I don’t want to. It feels great to be riding him and I can tell we are going to make a fantastic team.

  “Are you going to ride the hide off that one or are you going to help me work something else?” Lace asks as she walks her mare around.

  “I’m going to go put him away now.” I tell her walking Dex over some poles in the center of the arena. He easily walks over them not ticking a one.

  “So...are you going to spill it or what?” Lacey says walking her mare next to me.

  “Spill what?” I say.

  “Are you going to tell me about last night with hottie McDaniels or what?” She smiles at me.

  “Shhh…” I say looking out of the arena toward the alley way of stalls. “I don’t want Alejandro or one of the other farmhands to hear you!” That is all I needed is for me to be the topic of barn gossip and my parents to get wind of my nightly visitor.

  “Don’t freak out. Everyone is on lunch break. So spill it.”

  “He told me he loves me.” I say thinking back to the moment Cutter utter those three simple words.

  “Wow, the L word huh? No wonder you gave it up.” Lacey laughs.

  “I love him Lace. I know that may be stupid or whatever but I do.” I look over Lacey and she is no longer smiling. I can see she is concerned.

  “It’s not stupid, but just be careful. He hasn’t always been the nicest person to you. I don’t think you should forget that.”

  Lacey’s words catch me off guard but I know she is right. Cutter was less than nice to me for a long time. I may trust him now but I shouldn’t forget that wasn’t always the case.

  “I won’t Lace.” I say and she simply nods at me. I climb down off of Dex and lead him back toward the stalls.

  For the next few days Cutter and I play house. My parents won’t be home until Wednesday so until then the house is ours and we make the most of it. Cutter goes home during the day to help on the farm and I help Lacey work the horses while he is gone.

  I love the times it’s just Lacey and I riding together. We have the most fun and I feel like we get a lot accomplished. Don’t get me wrong, Lacey’s Dad, Titus, has taught me a lot but I think lately I learn more from just experimenting with Lacey. For the past few days we have set up elaborate trail patterns to work the horses over. Trail is my favorite event. Trail is like a chess match on h
orseback, every step is counted and must be perfectly calculated. I’m really hoping that Dex will be good at trail and I think he will be judging from my ride on him yesterday.

  After I get done working horses with Lacey I help Alejandro feed and re-pick their stalls. Some people hate doing this type of stuff at the barn but not me. I love it and I think Alejandro enjoys having me around to keep him company. He has been like an older brother to me my whole life. He has worked at the barn since he was teenager and he is now in his late twenties. He is an excellent hand with the horses. He has a calming and quiet nature that puts humans and animals at ease. Alejandro isn’t one to chat much he is rather quiet. Which I am thankful for because I know he won’t mention to anyone that Cutter has been staying the night with me. I know he has seen Cutter’s truck at the house, he never mentioned it, but this morning he just looked at me while picking stalls and told me he is only phone call away if I ever need him.

  When I am done feeding and cleaning stalls I venture back up to the house and wait for Cutter to come home. He has been getting done on the farm around seven at night. When he gets here he takes a shower and then we cuddled on the couch and watch television.

  We are currently watching some horrible reality television when I notice how cold it is outside. There is ice forming in the corner of the windows. I tell Cutter I need to go check the horses and he agrees to go with me. I want to make sure the horses have on warm enough blankets. It is below freezing every night now.

  Cutter watches as I put on warmer blankets on all the horses. He asks me questions the entire time about how do they stay on and why their lights stay on in their stalls. We chat as I make my way through the rows of horses. When I finish blanketing the last horse I walk to the end of the barn and make sure the sliding doors are closed tightly. I know the snow is coming any day.

  When I turned around to walk back toward Cutter I see the heat in his eyes. This makes my stomach do a flip flop like I am on a crazy high roller coaster going full speed.