Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) Page 15

  For the past few days we have been having sex like insane people. I can’t believe I am able to even wake up in the morning. I think I sleep maybe three hours a night. Cutter is insatiable and I love it.

  “Come here baby.” He says in low voice.

  I oblige and walk back down the barn aisle to him. When I get to him he reaches up threading his fingers into my hair and kisses me slowly. I love it when he kisses me like this. It makes me feel cherished.

  “I love watching you out here in your element. You light up when you talk about horses. It turns me on darling.” He maneuvers us against Dex’s stall front. My butt hits the stall wall with a thud. “I need you baby, now.”

  I don’t know how he does it, but I’m naked from the waist down and so is he. He reaches around me and pulls my leg over his hip and then does the same with the other leg. He balances me between him and the wall, caging me in by holding onto the metal bars in front of Dex’s stall. I feel him slid into me and it makes my eyes roll back in my head. It’s still a bit painful but the pleasure always outweighs the pain.

  “God Paige I can’t get enough of you baby.” He says as he rocks in and out of me.

  Only Cutter Daniels can make having sex in a barn in freezing temperatures hot as hell. I feel the rapid build of what I know will be an epic orgasm as we move together.

  “I love you Cutter.” I tell him and with those words echoing between us he thrusts hard into me and comes apart.

  We don’t move for a long time, not until Dex comes over curious as to what we are doing and starts nibbling on my hair and licking Cutter’s hand through the bars. This makes me laugh.

  “Hey buddy. I’m sorry that was really inappropriate of us.” I say to Dexter who is looking at us curiously.

  Cutter helps me down and we pull back on our clothes. We lock up the barn and walk back to the house for the evening.

  As we walk I picture a life with Cutter. I can see us building a house with a huge wrap around porch. I see us having two kids, a boy and a girl. I see them playing in the yard while Cutter and I sit lazily on the porch. It would be perfect. It would be our happily ever after. I want that, but I also know that whatever I want out of this life I will never want it as much as I want Cutter.

  CHAPTER 23

  I told Cutter I would just meet him at the party. I know he had to help on the farm late and he didn’t need to come get me. I know how busy he has been getting the farm ready for winter. Winters in Whatcom County are tough for farmers. There is the incredible amount of rain they have to contend with and then the random snowfall as well. I can only imagine the amount of time it will take Cutter to prepare for all of that.

  I have been really busy myself. My parents got home this morning and I have been rushing around all day helping unload trailers and getting the horses put away after their long journey home from Oklahoma. All the horses have come off the haulers surprisingly calm and in good shape. Sometimes after long hauls like that they are sore or even wild. I’m grateful they all seem to be readjusting well.

  The day flies by and before I know it I am rushing around getting ready for the party tonight. Lacey is going to the party tonight at the river too so I suggested we of course ride together. I am currently trying to figure out what the heck I should wear. It is cold out so I’m thinking my black North Face jacket and jeans will be the warmest. I did my platinum hair in my signature loose curls because I know Cutter loves it this way. He told me the other night while he made love to me. Just thinking about it makes me flush with excitement.

  I text Lacey and tell her to meet me in the driveway. When I leave my room, I find my parents on the couch watching television. I kiss them goodbye and tell them I won’t be out late. I’m glad they are home but sad that Cutter and I no longer have the run of the place.

  Lacey is outside waiting for me and she of course is wearing something not weather appropriate. We climb in my black Range Rover and head to the party.

  The river is packed as usual. It’s the Wednesday before Thanksgiving which is a notorious towny holiday. Everyone is home and attempting to blow off some steam before they have to spend endless hours with their families. As I pull up I see Cutter’s truck and I breathe easier knowing he is already here.

  Cutter meets Lacey and I as we get out of the car. “Hey baby.” He says and kisses me.

  “Hey to you too” I say back to him in between kisses.

  “I can’t handle this love fest. I’m out of here.” Lacey says as she strides off toward the party.

  “I missed you today.” Cutter tells me.

  “I missed you too.” I pull on his jacket and make him kiss me again. We kiss for a long while before Cutter pulls away from me.

  “Okay. We need to stop or I’m going to toss you in my truck and kidnap you.” He grabs my hand and we join the large crowd around the bonfire.

  Parties at home always make me nervous and tonight isn’t any different. I’m worried about seeing Cooper for the first time since the hospital fiasco. I don’t know how much Cutter and Cooper have talked since Cutter punched him for making fun of me. Cutter has been incredibly quiet about the status of their relationship. I have asked Cutter several times if he has talked to his brother. He always replies that he hasn’t and that is the end of the conversation. I know Cooper will never be friendly to me, and that is okay. I just hope he can accept that Cutter and I are together now.

  I’m actually having fun at the party. Thankfully, Cooper has kept his mouth shut and stayed at the other end of the party all evening. In fact, everyone seems to be rather accepting of Cutter and I being together, which is nice. Not a single person has said anything remotely mean to me. I’m guessing that is because they know Cutter will come unglued if they do.

  “Are you almost ready to go?” Cutter whispers in my ear as I listen to a group of girls chat about their boy problems. “I need to be alone with you.” His words send my body into a frenzy.

  “Yeah, I just need to go pee real quick.”

  “Okay, hurry up.”

  I rush off toward the designated girls pee area back in the woods. The problem with partying outdoors at a river bar, there are no bathrooms. I clumsily make my journey through the woods until I feel I’m far enough away from the crowd so I won’t be seen. I start to undo my jeans when I hear someone behind me.

  “Well, well if it isn’t the Piggy Princess herself.” Oh fuck my life, Cooper followed me out here!

  “What do you want Cooper?” I say as I start walking backwards trying to escape him.

  “I want lots of things, but mostly I want you to keep your fat ass away from my brother.” Okay, maybe he didn’t get the memo that Cutter will kill him for talking to me like that.

  I try to speed up my exit but it’s hard in the dark and I refuse to turn my back on him. “You know if you hurt me Cutter will kill you.” I say nervously.

  Cooper lets out his signature hyena-type laugh throwing his head back like I just said the funniest thing ever. You need to get out of here Paige! Think damn it.

  “You really think Cutter cares what happens to you?”

  “I know he does. He loves me.” Gah, why would you tell him that. Keep your mouth shut and move your damn feet.

  This makes him laugh even harder. “Cutter could never love you. He hates you just like I hate you.”

  I stumble backward over a rock and find myself pinned back against a tree. Cooper’s eyes light up like a predator. It’s time to fight Paige because your flight option is apparently gone.

  “Why do you hate me Cooper? What the hell did I ever do to you?”

  Cooper stops. He looks as if I just backhanded him. Oh shit not good.

  “You want to know what you did to me?”

  “Yes, I would love to know what I ever did to warrant this hatred. I have never done anything to you.” His eyes darken at my statement.

  “You killed my Dad, you bitch! That’s what you did to me and my brother! That’s why we hate you and always will
!” He lets out another laugh and I see his eyes light up. “You know what? I bet Cutter is just doing all of this to mess with you because he hates you so much.”

  I can’t breathe. I can’t fucking breathe. I don’t know what he is talking about. I didn’t kill Emerson Daniels, there was an accident on my family’s farm, but what did that have to do with me? I was just a kid.

  “Paige! Paige!” I hear Cutter coming through the woods. He is close. He must have gotten worried when I didn’t come back to the party.

  “This should be fun, huh?” Cooper sneers hearing his brother coming.

  Cutter emerges through the darkness and his face shows his panic.

  “Cooper get away from her, NOW!” He growls

  “Oh no worries bro, I would never lay a hand on her. Paige and I were just getting better acquainted. We were having a friendly chat.”

  “Paige, are you okay?” Cutter asks me holding onto my arm.

  I don’t respond. I can’t. My mind is spinning out. I’m sure I’m scaring Cutter but oh well. I just stand there like I’m catatonic.

  “What the hell did you say to her Cooper?”

  “Well Paige here wanted to know why we hate her so much. So I was just explaining to her why that is.”

  I didn’t really see Cutter lunge at Cooper, it was too dark, but I heard it. I heard him take him to the ground and heard him punch him repeatedly. I heard the smashing and the grunts as the two brothers wrestled in the woods. I don’t try to interrupt them. I’m too busy willing my brain to catch up with the situation that is unfolding in front of me. I finally here Cooper scurry away, yelling profanities at Cutter the entire way.

  I don’t move. I just stay trapped against the tree. I can’t move. I am trying to wrap my mind around everything Cooper has just told me. Suddenly I remember Jasper telling me there are things I don’t know and to be careful.

  “Paige? Baby, are you okay? Did he hurt you? Did he touch you?” Cutter comes to stand inches away from me. His eyes roam over me checking to see if I’m physically okay.

  My eyes snapped into focus when Cutter lightly touches my arm. “What was he talking about Cutter?”

  I push forward off the tree toward Cutter. I stalk forward closing the distance between us. I am inches from his face now and he refuses to look at me. He knows something and he is trying to avoid telling me.

  “What did he tell you?”

  “He said I killed your Dad. What the hell is he talking about?”

  Cutter lets out a hard breathe. “I guess it’s time you knew.” He rakes his hands through his hair. “The day my Dad died you were down at the barn. You were five, maybe six years old. You were watching my dad off load the hay. Something went wrong and the bales tipped. You were right there. The bales would have crushed you. They would have killed you, but my Dad knocked you out of the way. He saved you. The bales fell on him instead, killing him instantly.”

  “What are you talking about?” I’m in shock. I have never heard this. Surely my parents would have told me. I don’t want to believe the things he his telling me.

  “I know it wasn’t your fault now, but when I was a kid it was hard not to hate you. I wished it had been you that died that day and not my Dad” His head is still hung low refusing to look me in the eye.

  My legs give way underneath me and I fall to the ground. Cutter’s words are swirling around my brain but I can’t make sense of them.

  My fall must trigger something in Cutter and now he is panicked. “Paige, please you need to breathe. It’s going to be okay baby.” He kneels down next to me.

  His words jolt me into awareness. Cutter knew all of this all along. He hated me for years because he believed I killed his Dad and he wished I had died instead. Does he still think that? He must, because that level of hate is not something you can just let go of easily. And if he hates me, that means all of this was a lie, a horribly cruel lie.

  “Don’t! Don’t you dare tell me it’s going to be okay.” I surge of adrenaline hits me and I stand up. “You knew all of this, and you knew I didn’t have a clue, didn’t you? Did you sleep with me just to torment me some more? Was this just revenge? Does that make you feel better?”

  Cutter looks shocked at my sudden burst of strength. “Paige…”

  “You knew I didn’t know, didn’t you?” I scream at him.

  “Yes.” He looks at the ground refusing to look at me.

  “Well it all makes perfect sense now. I should have known this was way too good to be true. You hate me. You have always hated me.” I turn and madly start running through the woods to my car. I know he is behind me but I have a significant head start on him. I reach my car and hop inside and tear off through the gravel.

  The tears start streaming down my face making it hard to see. My Range Rover is flying down the gravel road, I know I should slow down but I don’t. Instead I press harder on the gas. I don’t slow down or look before I pull out onto the main road.

  The second I see the semi-truck I know I have made a horrible mistake. My car launches through the air. I hear the glass breaking around me. I know I’m upside down and I feel the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I taste blood and I see it running down my arms and legs. I know I’m going to die. I know the darkness is right there waiting to take me; all I have to do is close my eyes and accept it. I don’t want to die. I want to fight. I want to make it. I want to be tough. I don’t want to leave my parents; I know this will kill them. I say a silent prayer for forgiveness and close my eyes. The pain is just too great for me to withstand. I don’t have the strength to fight it anymore and I let the darkness take me.

  CHAPTER 24

  I can hear beeping in the background. Its faint but I can hear it. If I listen closely I can hear someone talking to me and holding my hand. I think I know who it is but my brain won’t work properly. They are talking but it’s so hard to concentrate my head is killing me. I need to sleep. Sleep is good….

  My mind is fuzzy. I can’t open my eyes but I can hear people talking.

  “She’s alive, barely but she’s alive. She has sustained major injuries to her back and left side. She has major lacerations to her arm and leg. She lost a lot of blood so we gave her a transfusion. We performed a surgery on her spine to elevate the paralysis she was having but we don’t know how much damage has been done yet. Time will tell. She is unconscious but you can go in and see her now.”

  “Do you think she will walk again?” I hear my Dad ask. My Dad is here! Dad help me!

  “Yes I am hopeful she will.”

  “Will she ride again?” He asks cautiously.

  “Walking will be a challenge enough for her. I think her riding career is unfortunately over. I’m very sorry.” NOOOO! What are they talking about? I’m fine.

  “Thank you doctor”

  I can hear my Mother sobbing and my Father comforting her. I can feel it when my Mom holds my hand and my Dad pats my leg. I want to wake up and see them. I want to tell them I’m okay but I can’t, I’m just too tired so I let the blackness take me once again.

  I don’t know how many days I’m out for but I know it has been a long time because my body feels like it can’t move and will never move again. I have felt pain before, but this is different. It is excruciating. Literally everything hurts. I try to move my arm but it’s too heavy. I try to wiggle my toes, I think I am but I don’t know for sure. I open my eyes but the light is too bright I can’t keep them open for long.

  “Hey there Sugar.”

  I know that voice. I try to open my eyes again slowly this time, giving them time to adjust. I can make out his form sitting next to me but I can’t really see all of his features yet.

  “Hi Jasp.” My voice sounds like I have been smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey all night.

  I look around the room for my parents but I don’t see them.

  “They went downstairs to get some food. I’ll go get them.” Jasp stands to leave and I notice he is still in his hospital gown. I wav
e of memories hits me. I recall driving home in the middle of the night from school because Jasper went missing and then relief when he is found. I remember the days after that spent with Cutter. I remember when he told me he loved me and how we made love that weekend. Then I remember the party and I feel like my chest is getting ripped open.

  “Where is he Jasp?” He is just about to go out the door but stops at my question. He turns to look at me and I see it in his face. I know he is gone but I need to hear Jasp say it.

  “He left. He went back to school.” I close my eyes and just nod. Jasper leaves and I’m thankful for that. I need a moment alone. I wipe my tears away and try to regain control of my emotions before my parents come to see me. I don’t want them to know exactly how broken I really am. He left me. He hates me and so he left me. It was all a huge lie.

  “Never fear the Bestie is here.” Tess comes striding in my hospital room holding a bunch of stuff.

  She flew home when she heard about the accident. I think it is Sunday but I’m not sure. I have had a steady stream of visitors. My Mother sits with me almost all day long and my Dad comes twice a day to check on me. Lacey comes every morning to have breakfast with me. I know this is hard for her, Lacey doesn’t show emotion easily. I feel bad for making her worry but I’m thankful she comes to see me. Having people around keeps me from thinking about everything, and especially him.

  Tess has been here constantly since she got home and at night Jasper sits with me. I think Jasp knows that I don’t sleep so he sneaks out of his room after visiting hours are over and comes to sit with me. I know the nurses know he is doing it but so far they haven’t complained. I am thankful for that. Jasper and I talk for hours at night. Sometimes we watch T.V. or play card games but mostly we just chat. We talk about my recovery and about school, but we never talk about him. It’s our unspoken rule and Jasper seems to understand it.