Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) Read online

  “What are you talking about? Saw me where?” I can hear the concern in his voice.

  “I saw you outside of the bookstore. You were talking to a dark haired girl. She hugged you and kissed you.” I choke. The minute I say it tears start to prick my eyes.

  Cutter let out a deep sigh. “Paige, look at me.” I refuse to so he tips my chin up so I am forced to look him.

  “I was across the street in my favorite spot and I saw the whole thing. You let her touch you. You let her kiss you.” The tears are streaming down my face now.

  Cutter pulls me to his chest. He holds my head against his shoulder and lets me cry. “Paige, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you baby. She is just a friend. I swear it.”

  I regain some control and my tears slow. “You guys looked so comfortable with each other. It looked like you were a couple.”

  Cutter closes his eyes in a long pause then opens them fixating on me. “I have known her since I was child. Our families are very close. I haven’t seen her in a while so she was excited to see me. I didn’t think anything about it. I didn’t mean anything by it and I doubt she did either.” He says sincerely.

  “Who is she?” I don’t know why I want to know this, but for some reason I feel the need to ask.

  “Laney Davis. You know her, don’t you?” Laney Bitchface Davis as Tess so lovingly calls her?

  “Yeah, I know Laney. I didn’t see her face so I didn’t know it was her.” I tell him sheepishly. I feel better knowing it was Laney. Over the years I have been to several parties with Laney. She attended public school but knew a lot kids from my school as well. She has always been pleasant to me but because of what Tess’ says about her, I still have a tendril of worry in the back of my mind.

  “I’m sorry Paige. I shouldn’t have let her kiss me even if it was harmless.”

  “No, I’m sorry. I overreacted. It just shocked me is all.” I say still pinned to his chest.

  He pulls back to look at me again. “Paige, I told you I don’t want anyone else and I meant it. You’re mine baby.”

  I simply nod in agreement and cuddle back against his warm chest. Cutter however, steps back from me making me feel uneasy.

  “There is no one else. I promise you that.” He gives me a sly smile and walks over to a dresser. He pulls out a red t-shirt I have seen him wear several times. “Take off your shirt Paige and put this on. I can’t have my girlfriend walking around in a damn green shirt.” He hands me the shirt and I smile. Wait, did he say girlfriend?

  “Girlfriend huh?”

  “Yes. Is that a problem for you?”

  “I… no. It’s just we hadn’t exactly discussed it.” I stammer. He just looks at me still holding out his shirt to me not understanding why I am so confused.

  “Shirt, Paige.”

  “Fine, but I don’t understand what the big deal is. Why do I have to wear red when you are wearing black?” I really don’t want to take off my beautiful silk top. But I don’t think I really have a choice, do I?” I pull my top over my head and snatch the damn red shirt out of Cutter’s hand.

  He is smoldering now. There is liquid heat behind his eyes as he watches me stand there in my bra examining his red shirt. He has handed me a shirt I recognize as one of his favorites. It’s very soft and it smells like his cologne. I may just be keeping this shirt after all. I pull it over my head and it fits but it’s still a bit large on me so I roll up the sleeves.

  “Perfect.” He says watching me.

  I feel my face redden in slight embarrassment. It is still so overwhelming having Cutter Daniels give me compliments. Sometimes I feel like things aren’t real, that I’m just dreaming all of this.

  I try to deflect the growing embarrassment I’m feeling so I ask him why he didn’t tell me he moved into his fraternity.

  “I knew you would make me leave earlier if you knew I was walking across campus.”

  “Oh.” I take a long pause processing what he just told me “Or you could have just stayed the night.” I say with a sexy grin.

  “We both know what would have happened.” He drawls.

  “So maybe that’s what I want.” I cock my eyebrow up.

  “You do huh? You want me to rip off all your clothes? You want me to tease you until you can’t take it anymore? Do you want me to take you Paige? Because let me tell you something baby, once I do there is no going back so you best be sure.”

  I can’t respond. I am so turned on. I feel the ache between my thighs and I know I am totally screwed. This man owns me.

  Cutter chuckles. “Come on darling. We need to get back to the party before I keep you in my room all night.” He grabs my hand and snakes his fingers threw mine.

  I love the feeling when Cutter touches me. I feel as though pure electricity is going right through my entire body. It makes me feel so alive, like I could conquer the world with him by my side.

  CHAPTER 17

  We returned to the party and surprisingly stayed the whole time. After our heated exchange in Cutter’s room I was eager to just return back to my dorm room to be alone with him. Cutter, however, seemed to be in no hurry. I had the distinct feeling he was trying to put me off. We stayed and talked with Tanner for a long time and I danced with Millie until she found a very cute male dance partner. I knew my job as wing women had come to an end the minute they started making out on the dance floor so I made my exit.

  Cutter walked me home and we ended up curled up in my bed talking and watching Deadliest Catch reruns. I only half watched as I was totally enamored with watching Cutter. At some point he caught me watching him and just gives me a flirty grin before flipping me on my back pinning me underneath him.

  “What do you think you’re doing Paige?”

  “Uh, just admiring the view.” I say attempting to flirt.

  “Really? Well, it looks like you’re enjoying it because your cheeks are turning a lovely shade of pink.”

  “I am enjoying it.” I say confidently.

  “I wonder what those cheeks would look like if I did what I’m thinking about doing to you.”

  “There’s only one way to find out.” I tell him slyly. Holy cow who are you? Where did all this sexy confidence come from?

  Cutter leans down so our lips are almost touching. I want him to kiss me so bad. If I lean up a half an inch our lips will meet, I think. But before I can act on it Cutter’s voice stops me. “Paige, you will not win at this game so don’t start something you don’t intend to finish.”

  “Who says I don’t intend to finish this?” The minute I say it a shiver racks my body because even though I trust Cutter he has an edge of darkness to him that scares me.

  Cutter notices how my body betrays me and shows him what exactly I am feeling. He looks at me and gives me his devilish grin. He tugs at the hem of his shirt that I am still wearing. It is over my head and off in a split second. Next goes my pajama pants. I am so glad I have gone shopping and invested in some matching bras and panties. I am currently sporting my favorite navy blue lace combo. I thought it complimented my blonde hair and blue eyes nicely.

  Cutter must agree, because the moment he see me in them I hear him suck in a sharp breath and mutter something that sounds like a curse. I am about to ask him if he likes my selection when his lips smash into mine crushing my head against my pillow. He is gentle at first but I can feel the hunger building as he kisses me. Something is changing between us, I can just sense it.

  I lose track of time kissing Cutter. I could kiss him for hours and it feels like only minutes. He kisses me with such a passion that it makes me feel dizzy and drugged. I don’t think I will ever get enough of this.

  I start to tug on Cutter’s black button up shirt trying to undo the buttons. I get a couple of them undone before he leans back and pulls it over his head. The instant his naked chest touches my bare skin I feel on fire. My hands begin a frenzy of exploring his sexy chest. His body is magnificent. His chest is all tanned hard muscle which I know was created from years
of bailing hay and working on the farm. I have seen Cutter with his shirt of several times before and it makes me crazy. I want more. I don’t know where my boldness comes from but I start to undo the buttons of his jeans.

  Cutter instantly stops kissing me. “Paige, what are you doing?” He is hovering above me with a mixed look of excitement and reservation.

  I don’t answer him I just keep going. He doesn’t stop me and feel like I just had an epic victory. Instead he helps me tug his jeans all the way off his legs. He is wearing black boxer briefs that showcase the sexy V-shape of his lower abdomen that dips down past his underwear. All I can do is stare at him. He is too beautiful; it almost hurts to look at him. He continues to hover over me watching my reaction as he unhooks my bra and slides my lacey underwear down my legs. I am barely holding on. My mind is racing with anticipation at what is going to come. I feel like my body is going to lose control the second he touches me. But Cutter doesn’t move. He just looks at me, his eyes roaming all over my body. I suddenly feel very insecure and start to squirm to get away from his penetrating gaze.

  “So beautiful.” He mutters before diving down and popping one of my perky nipples in his mouth. I let out a surprise “oh” as it happens and immediately begin to moan as he makes a trail of wet kisses around my breasts. I let me head roll back against the pillow and push my chest up to give him better access to my perky nipples. My body belongs to Cutter and I’m pretty sure he knows this. He is an expert and I know I am completely outmatched in every way possible. I should be terrified by this, but I can’t stop myself. It’s like wanting to touch a beautiful flame, you know it will hurt like hell but you do it anyway.

  I feel Cutter adjust above me and I open my eyes to see him sliding his boxer briefs down his body. My heart begins to fly out of control in my chest. I know what he is going to do and I really want him to do it but it still terrifies me. I’m not sure I am ready for this. He trails kisses down my body until he is just below my belly button. He stops for a half a second and looks up at me asking me if it’s okay to go further. I shakily nod my head yes, but the minute I do Jasper’s words start running in a continuous loop in my head. Promise me Paige that the guy loves you, don’t settle for anything less. Promise me Paige. Shit shit shit! I don’t think I’m ready for this even though I really want to be ready.

  Cutter reaches over me to grab his jeans and I see him remove a foil package. My body immediately stiffens. This is moving way too. I close my eyes and pray that when I tell Cutter this he doesn’t get pissed and never want to see me again. I don’t really think he would do that but I have the irrational fear regardless.

  “Umm… hey do you think we can talk a minute.” I say with a shaky voice.

  Cutter immediately looks up at me worried. “Baby what’s wrong? We don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. Just tell me.”

  “I uh… I thought I was but I’m just kind of freaking out a bit.” I try to not look at him, an attempt to pretend I’m not turning down the hottest guy I have ever seen.

  “Look we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready to do. You just need to talk to me. Okay?” He still looks concerned but I can see it lightening a bit.

  I can feel the word vomit I am about to spew coming up but there is no stopping it. “I thought I was ready. It’s just I keep hearing Jasper on repeat in my head and I know I promised him but I just don’t know anymore.”

  Cutter looks as if I slapped him. He is definitely not prepared to hear his girlfriend who is naked and underneath him mention her ex. Not smart Paige! What are you thinking!

  “What did you promise him Paige?” Cutter growls clearly angry now.

  “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that. I just lost my head for a minute.” I try to deflect his question.

  “Paige. I asked you a question and I think I deserve an answer.”

  I timidly look up to see how angry he really is. “I uh… I uh… promised Jasper before I left for school I wouldn’t lose my virginity to someone who doesn’t love me.”

  Cutter doesn’t say anything for a long while. He just stares at me totally perplexed. “Why would you promise him that?”

  “I don’t know I guess it’s because it made sense to me. I mean he is right. I think he did it to look out for me.” I tell him honestly.

  “I get that Paige. What I don’t get is the virgin part.” Wait, what? He doesn’t know I’m a virgin? That’s what he is tripping out about? Not that I was thinking of my ex’s voice while we were seconds away from having sex?

  “I’m a virgin Cutter.”

  “How is that possible Paige?”

  “Um… well I have never had sex so thus I’m a virgin.” Is he being serious? I thought he was way smarter than this. Do they not have sex ed in public school?

  “Yes I get that Paige. What I mean is how are you a virgin after you dated Jasper for an entire year. I just assumed…” He doesn’t finish his thought.

  “I was never ready. He wanted to of course and constantly tried but it just didn’t feel right.”

  “I… um… wow, okay.” Cutter reaches up and holds the back of his head like if he puts pressure on his head everything will make complete sense. He is freaking out. Crap, he didn’t know I was a virgin and now he is flipping out about it.

  “I’m sorry I thought you knew.” I say sitting up to look for my shirt or anything to cover myself up. I suddenly feel way too exposed.

  “What are you doing?” He says stopping my efforts to find my shirt.

  I continue to squirm and look over the edge of my bed to see if it fell on the floor. “I’m looking for my shirt. I think it’s down here.”

  “Paige, stop. Look at me, alright?” I don’t want to look at him. I’m too scared he will reject me the minute our eyes meet. I can’t handle that right now, that would gut me. I already feel too vulnerable because I am completely naked. If I at least had my damn shirt on I feel like I could handle the inevitable let down coming my way.

  “I can’t okay. I know you weren’t prepared for this and I get that it’s not exactly a turn on that I’m a virgin.” I push up now determined to find my clothes. I need some sort of barrier between us.

  Cutter grabs both my wrists and pushes me back down onto my mattress. He holds my hands above my head and I continue to squirm to get free. “Stop it. I’m not going to let go until you talk to me.”

  I blow out an exasperated breath. “Fine talk.”

  “Look, I didn’t handle that the best. It shocked me. I just hadn’t considered you and Jasper never had sex. For shit sake you dated Jasper Callaway, he taught me everything I know about getting girls. I still don’t understand how this is possible, but I know it’s true. Actually things make a lot more sense now.”

  “What is that supposed to mean?” I’m still on high alert and defensive.

  “It just means that it makes sense that why when I touch you I get certain reactions. It’s not a bad thing so please don’t think that it is.” He tells me as he continues to hover over me.

  “Okay.” I say meekly.

  “Shit, I’m still not doing a very good job at fixing this. Alright, I’m just going to say this as simple as I can. I am not turned off by the fact you are virgin. In fact it drives me wild. I didn’t know how to react because everything in me said to push you against this bed and devour you, to truly claim you as mine.”

  “Cutter…”

  “Hey, I know you’re not ready for that. That’s why I stopped myself. I promise you Paige I will never hurt you.”

  I shake my head okay. Now I am the one that is dumbfounded. I don’t know how to respond to any of this. I was so sure he didn’t want me anymore. To find out Cutter wasn’t rejecting me but is trying to resist me is too much to process.

  I look up at him and I see something in his eyes I have never seen before, it’s a mixture of hope and fear all rolled into one. His brow is furrowed but his eyes have a gleam in them. “I have feelings for you Paige. A lot of them and I d
on’t even understand all of them yet, but I want to. I can’t get enough of you. I want to be with you all the time and when I’m not with you I think about you constantly. I need you. I want this to work, okay?”

  “I feel the same way. I need you Cutter.”

  He swoops down and his lips find mine. He slowly kisses me. Its hungry and passion filled and I know even though we have kissed for hours this is different. I feel like we are making unspoken promises to each other. It’s surreal and I love it. My hands began roaming over his naked back and I’m suddenly extremely turned on. Cutter increases his kisses and I moan against his mouth. This sends him into a total frenzy and he peppers a trail of kisses from my neck to my breasts again. I am going to come apart. I need him to touch me now.

  “Please…”

  I don’t even know I said anything until Cutter says “What do you want darling? Tell me?”

  “I need you.” I pant.

  “I know, I know.” He whispers and reaches down in between our naked bodies. He lightly brushes his fingers against my hot center. I let out a deep moan and he increases the circles with his fingers. I know I can’t last long if he continues to do that but I want him to experience the same release.

  “Cutter, please. I’m ready.” I’m writhing against him now but he immediately stops as he registers what I just said.

  He searches my face looking for something, what I’m not sure. “I know you think you are baby, but you’re not. I promise though I will make this good.”

  Cutter doesn’t lie he continues to touch me and I lose it. I come apart in what feels like a thousand pieces. I open my eyes to find him still watching me intently.

  “I love watching you.” He tells me in a husky voice. I blush feeling slightly embarrassed. It hits me at that moment, poor Cutter is probably dying. How selfish of me!

  I lightly push at Cutter to get off of me. He obliges because he probably thinks I want to get cleaned up. He leans back on his side to allow me to get up. When I’m free I push his shoulders flat against the bed and straddle him.

  “Paige, what do you think you’re doing?” He asks curiously.