Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) Read online

  “Awesome, congrats!”

  “Thanks. So what did I miss while I was gone?”

  “Hm…not much. I went to the Chi Sigma Rho party last night.”

  “Oh, how was that?” I perk up at the mention of Cutter’s fraternity.

  “It was fun. I hung out with Tanner most of the night.”

  “Oh nice.” I want to ask her if she saw Cutter but I don’t want to seem possessive.

  “Hey P I need to give you a heads up on something…” She pauses looking over at me with concern. “I saw Cutter there last night and it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, but he was talking to a girl most of the night. I never saw him really flirt with her or do anything out of line but it just kind of struck me as odd. I thought I should tell you.”

  I feel a sharp pain in my chest and feel like I can’t breathe. “Do you know her?”

  “No I don’t. She isn’t anyone I have seen before.”

  “Thanks for telling me Mills.”

  “I thought you should just be aware. Like I said though, he wasn’t doing anything wrong. It just struck me as odd.”

  “No, I’m glad you told me. You’re a good friend Mills.”

  When I get home I feel exhausted and I don’t think it has much to do with lack of sleep. I unpack and think about what I should do with the information Millie told me. I consider asking Cutter who the girl was, but I think better of it. I don’t want to seem needy or jealous. It wasn’t like we had even had the relationship talk. In reality Cutter is free to do whatever he pleases.

  Cutter had text me later on in the evening to tell me that he was coming over. I felt like telling him to not come over but I chickened out. When he got to my dorm room I made myself busy folding all my laundry that I had done once I got home.

  “Don’t I get a hello?” He says watching me organize my clothes.

  “Oh sorry.” I tell him and hop up to wrap my arms around his neck. He lightly kisses my cheek.

  “That’s better. I missed you.” He takes a seat on the edge of my bed watching me on the floor continuing to fold my clothes. “So how was it?”

  “It was great. Lace got second and I won it.” He jumps up startling me and tackles me on the floor. “You won?”

  “Yup.”

  “That is amazing news. Why didn’t you call me to tell me?”

  He has me completely wrapped in his large arms. “I did but you didn’t answer. It went straight to your voicemail.”

  “Damn. It was probably because I was in the basement for the party. I don’t get much service in the bottom floor of the house. I’m sorry babe.” He tells me searching my face for disappointment.

  “It’s alright, that’s what I figured. Did you have fun last night?” I’m totally trying to see if he will come clean about talking all night to this unknown girl.

  “It was alright.” Well there went that plan.

  “Millie said she saw you there.” Maybe this will get him to talk.

  “Yeah I saw her there.” Great, looks like I’m SOL.

  I try to wiggle loose from him but his hold on me is too strong. He notices what I’m attempting and raises an eyebrow at me but he doesn’t say anything he just searches my face. Then in a blink of second he kisses me and all the stuff about the unknown girl fades into the back of my mind. When Cutter kisses me I’m surprise I can even remember my own name. He is just so captivating.

  “So did you miss me or what?” He asks with a wickedly sexy grin on his lips.

  “Yes of course I did.” I tell him through a smile.

  “Good, because I missed you more than you know Princess.”

  The minute I hear the name “Princess” my spine stiffens. I try to fight being swept back in time to all those times Cutter had called me Piggy Princess, but I can’t. My mind plays like a movie reel on fast forward of all the times I had cried over his cruelty.

  I scramble backwards on the carpet attempting to put space in between us. When I do this Cutter’s eyes go wide. I know I have shocked him but I don’t care, I need space.

  “Paige? What’s wrong? What is it?”

  “I…uh…I need to finish my laundry. Actually, I have a lot do before class tomorrow so it’s probably best if you go.” I stand up walking toward the door.

  Cutter stands and walks towards me. I look at the ground and open the door, signaling it’s time for him to leave. But Cutter doesn’t leave. When he gets up close to me he grabs the door and quietly pushes it shut. He then comes to stand squarely in front of me.

  “Paige, look at me.” He asks in a slow and deliberate voice.

  I refuse so he gently tips my face up forcing my eyes to meet his.

  “Stop trying to push me away Paige. Talk to me, please.” His eyes show so much worry it almost breaks me.

  “I’m not trying to push you away I just need to get stuff done.” I say avoiding the real issue.

  “Bullshit. You forget I can read you, darling. Now tell me what happened back there.”

  “It’s nothing.” I try to step to the side of him and reach for the door again. Cutter expects this though and blocks me.

  “No tell me what happened. Everything was fine. I told you how much I missed you and I…” He doesn’t finish his thought. I know he realizes now what the problem is and just why I reacted the way I did.

  “It’s alright.” I have no idea why I tell him this, because it’s really not okay, but his face is so stricken I feel bad for him.

  “It’s not alright Paige. I shouldn’t have called you that. I never should have called you that. Not ever!” His anger startles me a bit and step back from him. “I swear I didn’t mean anything by it.” He says clenching his fists.

  “I know you didn’t. It’s just… I hate that name.”

  “I’m so sorry Paige.” His eyes show how bad he feels. I know he is being sincere but the truth is Cutter nor I can change the past, it is what it is and we have to live with it now.

  “I know you are. I’m okay.” I give him a small smile to get him to snap out of his self-loathing.

  “Can you ever forgive me for all the horrible things I said to you?”

  “I already have.” I kiss him lightly testing to see if we can get past this.

  I’m relieved when Cutter reaches up and gently strokes me cheek intensifying our kiss. “I don’t deserve you darling.”

  “I know” I say playfully.

  “Does this mean I get to stay?” He asks with a half-smile.

  “That depends.”

  “On what?” He is full on grinning now.

  I give him my most flirty smile. “If you plan to help me put this stuff away then you can stay.”

  He just chuckles. “Darling I plan on doing more than just that.” Oh geez.

  CHAPTER 15

  It’s a sunny Friday afternoon in November. There is still some heat during the days even though it has turned measurably colder in Pullman. Thanksgiving break starts next week and I am excited to go home. I find myself sitting in my favorite spot on campus; it’s a perfect spot of grass across from the campus bookstore aptly named The Bookie. I love this spot because it is quiet yet still allows you to see the hustle and bustle across the street. All the students that live on Greek Row pass by the bookstore to get to campus so it’s a steady stream of people most of the day. I find myself sitting here often between classes. As I sit in the grass looking at my homework I start to think about everything that has happened between Cutter and me.

  It’s been almost a month and half since the camping trip in Missoula and things couldn’t be better. We spend lots of time together. In the evenings we study and every night Cutter stays in my room until I fall asleep. During the daytime we are constantly texting each other and at night we sit and talk for hours. I have grown very accustomed to cuddling with him and falling asleep on his chest.

  Surprisingly though, we have kept everything pretty PG-13, but not from my lack of trying to advance us to R status. For some reason Cutter is very ca
reful with me and continues our little cat and mouse game. He refuses to let me touch him which I find not just annoying but slightly weird. It makes me question his attraction for me even though I know it shouldn’t. We also still haven’t exactly had the relationship talk. He has never called me his girlfriend and I don’t call him my boyfriend, even though that is what I think of him as. It has started to bother me a little and I know I should discuss it with him but I never seem to find the courage. Then there is that nagging thought about the girl from the party Millie told me about.

  I have asked both Tess and Lacey of their opinions of the situation. Tess was overly cautious telling me to enjoy myself but to not be naïve. I know she is right, but it’s hard not to get swept up in the excitement I feel. Lacey was much easier on me. She encouraged me to get it on with him as often as possible because and I quote “Cutter is one fine piece of man meat.” I took both pieces of advice to heart but I am afraid Lacey’s advice is going to be the harder one to accomplish.

  As I sit thinking about how to advance or ever growing complex relationship, I hear him. I look across the street to the busy bookstore. Cutter is standing outside the bookstore talking to a tall girl with brownish hair. Her back is to me so I can’t get a good look at her. I can see Cutter obviously knows her because his face is lit up in a giant smile. I instantly feel a wave of jealousy. Is this the girl Millie saw him talking to?

  They continue to talk and the girl seems just as excited to see him. She uses her hands to talk in dramatic fashion and keeps gently touching his forearm. I think maybe I should wonder over and introduce myself but their intimate exchange stops me. I feel bad for spying but I’m curious as to find out who this person is, so instead I sit and watch. Their conversation seems to finish up and before she leaves she pulls him to her chest and hugs him. Then to my absolute horror she kisses him on the cheek. Cutter doesn’t seem to mind, he seems completely comfortable with their interaction. I feel like I want to vomit. I know it’s not like they were holding hands or making out but it hurt just the same.

  I pick up my books and head to class early. I don’t want Cutter to discover I have been watching him and besides that, I really didn’t care to see him right now. I need some time to process what I just saw before tonight. Our houses are having something called a stoplight party, which meant I was only going to get a few hours reprieve before I will be face to face with him. I need to call Millie and get a game plan for this evening.

  After class I go back to my dorm room. I have a few text messages from Cutter asking me how my day is going and if I am excited for the party tonight. I give him very benign one word responses. I decide to call Millie to ask her about the party and what my attire should be for this evening. I always check in with Millie about this stuff because I am learning quickly that if there is a party it likely has a theme.

  “Hey P, what’s up? You’re coming to the party tonight right?” Millie says as she answers the phone.

  “Hey Mills, yeah I’m coming. I don’t understand the theme though.”

  “Oh, it’s really simple. You wear green, yellow or red top. Green means you are available, yellow means it’s complicated or its sort of a relationship, and red means you’re taken.”

  “Okay, that is easy enough. So what color are you wearing tonight?” I ask.

  “Oh you know me girl. I’m wearing green.”

  “Are you worried about Tanner getting upset?” I ask her because I know things didn’t work out with them but not from Tanner’s lack of trying. Millie is hard to tame. It is going to take a special someone to settle her down.

  “No I think we are cool. I like Tanner but these are my platinum years, you know? I don’t want to waste them on being tied down. I just want to have fun and he knows that now.” You’ve got to love Millie, she is at least honest about her desire to just play the field and be carefree.

  “That’s good. I think it’s nice you two can be friends still.”

  She laughs. “I love them, leave them and then friend zone them. Most girls try friends first but not me.”

  She is such a nut. “Oh, Mills you kill me. Well I better go get ready. I’ll see you in a bit.” I tell her and hang up. Now the big question is what do I wear?

  This could turn out to be the best decision ever or the worst. I haven’t decided yet. I have chosen to wear skinny jeans, light tan peep toe heals, and a gorgeous emerald green loose silk top. I swept my hair half back and left half in loose curls that fall around my shoulders. I have just made my way in the fraternity basement and I’m anxiously looking around for Cutter. I know my color choice is going to piss him off but after today part of me doesn’t really care. The other part of me is also very curious to see what he is wearing.

  “That is a very interesting outfit choice Paige.” I hear someone approach me from behind. I spin around and am thankful to see Tanner’s grinning face.

  “Hey Tanner!” Tanner is also in green, no real surprise there.

  “I’m not sure how Cutter is going to react to your color choice. I’m pretty sure he is going to blow a gasket so I hope you’re prepared for that.”

  “Oh I know. I choose this top specifically for tonight.” I say with my head held high. Cutter Daniels doesn’t scare me.

  “That sounds ominous. Well I hope I’m around for when the shit hits the fan.” He says still grinning from ear to ear. “Hey I have a question that I have been meaning to ask you for a while now.” Okay, weird.

  “What’s that?”

  “Well I was going to see if you wanted to be my little sis. You know how you have a big sis in the sorority; well you get a big brother too. That is, if you want one.”

  I hadn’t even thought about it. I have a big sis already. Millie and I got the same girl. Her name is Lexi. I like her she is nice but I haven’t spent much time with her. Millie assures me that we will get to know her more next semester when we move in the house. Millie also tried to explain to me our family tree but that was way over my head. I suggested that we have ancestory.com for sorority families because that shit is complicated.

  I don’t have to give Tanner’s question much thought. I really like him and he already has that big brother vibe going on. He is really nice to me and went out of his way to hang out with me at parties. Being his Little Sis sounded pretty perfect.

  “Oh, wow yes. I would love to be your Little Sis. Thanks for asking me.”

  “You’re welcome. And no worries I already got approval from Cutter, I told him a few days ago I was going to ask you.”

  “Oh, yeah that’s probably for the best.” Apparently Cutter has made it very clear to Tanner that we are together.

  “So where is that man of yours?”

  “I have no idea. I haven’t seen him yet.” Tanner just gives me a worried look. I start to silently freak out about my outfit choice.

  “Well good luck. I better start mingling with the ladies. I’ll see you in a bit.”

  After Tanner leaves I decide I need a drink and fast. I head over to the bar to get a beer. I am in line all of two seconds when a large hand yanks mine and starts dragging me through the crowded basement. I know it is Cutter. I also know I am totally screwed.

  CHAPTER 16

  I watch him as he pulls me through the house. He is dressed in dark blue jeans and a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Why does he have to be so freaking hot? And why the heck is he wearing black?

  He drags me through the house to a bedroom without saying a word. The room has a bunk bed in it and two small desks. I notice some of Cutter’s things scattered about the room. This is totally confusing. I thought Cutter was living in the dorms. Why are his things here in the frat house? I get ready to ask him when he slams the door behind us. He strides over to me. There is a look of pure rage on his face. Oh shit.

  “Take your shirt off, Paige.” He growls and starts to lift up on the hem of my silk top.

  “No. Absolutely not and since when did you move into the fra
t?” I ask pushing his hands away. Why hadn’t he told me he moved into his fraternity house?

  He glares at me, almost daring me to continue to defy him. I oblige him and start to walk toward the door to leave. But he is faster than I am and blocks my exit.

  “I moved in a week after we got here. And I wasn’t asking. Take that damn shirt off.” I instantly feel bad knowing he has been walking home in the middle of the night almost every night since we returned from Missoula. I would have never asked him to stay knowing he had to walk all the way across campus. However, that issue is going to have to take a back burner to this ridiculous shirt issue.

  “No. You can’t just order me around Cutter. I am free to do whatever I want. You don’t own me.” I say with my chin held high.

  Cutter takes this as a complete challenge. He mumbles something and pulls me against him so I have no escape from his glaring eyes. “That’s where your wrong darling. YOU. ARE. MINE.”

  Cold shivers run down my spine. I know I shouldn’t be turned on by his cave man tendency but I am. He knows this. He can read me so well. A slight grin appears before he pushes my back against the door and crashes his lips to mine. The kiss is pure fire; there is nothing soft or gentle about it. I feel like he is going to swallow me whole. This scares me a bit so I pull back ending our kiss. I take a deep breath to steady myself for the conversation I know is inevitably going to come.

  His bright blue eyes are stormy now with a hint of pain in them. I instantly feel bad. “Why did you wear that Paige?”

  “I thought it was beautiful.” I know I’m playing games but I’m still pissed about earlier.

  “Cut the shit Paige. Tell me what would possess you to wear green tonight.” What possessed me? What possessed you to let a girl paw all over you today?

  “I don’t know.” I say shyly looking at the floor.

  “Were you trying to piss me off?”

  “Yes.” I say feeling bad for being so petty.

  “Why?”

  “I saw you today.” I murmur.