Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) Read online

  “What?” Would it really be so bad if I just slept with Jasper? Maybe I should. I know he cares about me.

  “Promise me that when you are ready, make sure he loves you. Don’t settle for anything less.” Oh my God is Jasper trying to tell me he loves me? Oh wow, I can’t deal with this right now. I need to get out of here fast.

  “I promise Jasper.” I say looking at my feet trying to ignore the hurt and disappointment I see in his eyes.

  We say our goodbyes and I climb into my car to head home. Well shit, that did not go how I thought it would at all. I hope I didn’t hurt Jasp too much and I hope we will remain close friends.

  On the way home I call my best friend and sister from another mister, Tessa. Tess and I have gone to private school together and had instantly become close in fifth grade. She is the only person I implicitly trust with everything in my life. She is witty, beautiful and extremely blunt. Probably the thing I love most about her is her bluntness. She has this uncanny ability to just say the exact thing you know to be true without the sugarcoated bullshit. She is also extremely gorgeous. She is tall with jet black hair and she is this incredible mix of cultures making her totally exotic. Boys flock to her but she has always been selective and discerning in whom she dates.

  “Hey lady, you ready for the big move tomorrow?” Tess always calls me lady, it is her thing.

  “Yup, just left Jasper’s I was just saying goodbye.”

  “Oh are you going to cry or something?” Tess doesn’t cry it is a rarity. I am the emotional one in the friendship.

  “No I am not. I will miss him though.”

  “Miss him enough to sleep with him?”

  “NO! Why would you say that?” God, she is such a mind reader.

  “Everyone knows that boy wants you and you just keep teasing him. Did he attempt to get you naked?” I can hear the laughter in her voice.

  “No. We did not get naked for your information. I told him I wasn’t ready.”

  “Oh shit! I was just guessing! I didn’t realize he actually did try to get you naked. Oh wow, what did you do?” Now I know she is full on grinning.

  “I told him I wasn’t ready.”

  “Well did he buy that?”

  “He didn’t have to buy anything. It’s the truth. I’m not ready.”

  “You know it’s not that big of deal. You need to stop making it some grandiose experience. It is painful and it’s typically over way too quick. After that it gets better, but your first time will suck so don’t build it up so much.” There is that bluntness I have learned to love from Tess.

  “I’ll keep that in mind. Who knows maybe I’ll find a nice frat boy to lose it to.” I know this would get her going.

  “Okay let’s not be ridiculous here. We both know you could not handle that type of situation.” The mother hen is really coming out now in full force. I feel somewhat bad for teasing her but it is so easy.

  “I would never do that and you know it. I’m just giving you crap.” I reassure her.

  “I know it just scares me that you’re going to be across the state and you don’t know anyone.” I can hear the worry in her voice now and I do feel bad for making her worry.

  “Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. And I do know one person going to school over there.” I am full on provoking the bull now and I know it will be my fault when I get the horns.

  “Who? That bitch-face Laney Davis? You know I don’t trust that girl.” I can hear the rage coming in Tess’ voice. Tess hates Laney Davis. She is a local girl who went to public school but frequents the private school parties. She has always been pleasant to me but for some reason Tess just doesn’t trust her.

  “Alright, I know two people going to WSU, Laney Davis and Cutter Daniels is also going there. In fact he is going to bring over some boxes for me that I couldn’t fit in my parent’s car.” Bomb officially dropped.

  “Hold on, Cutter volunteered to haul your stuff all across the state for you? Why? He hates you. This makes no sense.” She is starting to totally freak out now. I know we are moments away from a full on rant.

  “Jasper asked Cutter to do it and he agreed. I certainly didn’t ask him. Jasper already brought my boxes to him.” Yup, total freak out coming in 3, 2, 1.

  “What the Hell! Are you a crazy person? Why would you trust that dickwad in a million years with your stuff? This is ridiculous. You know for an extremely bright girl you can be very dumb sometimes”

  “Tess calm down. I didn’t give him anything super important just some extra stuff I was going to leave until next time I came home. Jasper was helping me pack up and realized I had too many boxes. He said he would arrange for Cutter to bring them. No big deal. I’m sure Cutter will just drop them off at my dorm and then I’ll hopefully not see him again.”

  “Well, when this goes really wrong because of that asshat don’t call me crying.” Tess always says things like this, but of course she doesn’t mean them. She will sit on the phone with me for hours listening to me cry.

  “I won’t. Don’t worry.” I say with a hint of laughter in my voice.

  “Good. Alright I have to get going. I’m headed out to dinner with my parents before they leave here tomorrow.” Tess has been accepted to FIDM in California and is living with her Aunt while she attends school. I am sad we aren’t going to be together, but I know that distance will not break our friendship. Tess is like a sister to me and no matter how far apart we live we will always share our lives.

  “Okay have a good night and tell your parents hi. I’ll call you from the road tomorrow.” I hang up the phone and pull up to the house. I am surprisingly exhausted and can’t wait to get in my bed. It takes me all of twenty minutes to be lights out and fast asleep.

  CHAPTER 2

  “I just can’t believe we actually have to leave our baby here all alone.” My mom is barely able to keep her tears back. I give her a big hug and reassure her I am okay.

  “Jane she will be just fine. We raised a very bright young girl.” My Dad says to my Mother. “Knock em’ dead sweet heart and remember confidence is key.”

  “Thanks Dad. I will be fine. You don’t have to worry. I’ll call you every day.” I hug my parents on the front steps of the dormitory. I had survived the six hour trip with the parents and having them help me move into my private room. How they arranged a private dorm room I have no idea, nor do I want to know. I’m sure Dad donated to the school. I love my parents they are amazing people but they can be a bit much at times.

  My Mother is a perplexing combination of characters. I have always thought of her as a mixture of Paula Dean, Roseanne Bar and Martha Stewart. She is beautiful and funny but can cut you to the core in an instant if you attack something or someone she loves. My Father, Conrad Vandenberg on the other hand is more reserved. He looks like Richard Gere and is constantly giving motivating speeches like the Brady Bunch Dad. They are quite the odd pair, but for whatever reason they fit. They have been together since they were in middle school. Crazy, I know. I will miss them both tons, but I am looking forward to having my independence. However, it would have helped my newfound independence if they would let me have my car here. They denied my continued request citing the need to concentrate on school work, whatever that means.

  As I start back into the dorms my cell phone rings with an unfamiliar number. I think that is odd but I answer it anyways.

  “Paige? It’s Cutter, I have your shi… I mean your boxes. Where do you want me to drop them off?” Oh crap. I forgot about my boxes.

  “Oh yeah hi, umm my dorm room is in North campus. I’m there now if you want to drop them off or I can see if I can borrow someone’s car and come pick them up from you.” I state quickly trying not to let the panic show in my voice.

  “No. I will drop them off in a few minutes. I’m just coming into town now.” Click. Okay, well he could have at least say goodbye. What a rude ass!

  True to his word Cutter pulls up a few minutes later in front of my dorms in his giant bla
ck Ford truck. I try to look unaffected but I am totally freaking out. This guy hates me. He is only here on a favor from Jasper. I just need to get my boxes, thank him and that will be that.

  He jumps out of his black truck and my whole body stiffens. He is so ridiculously good looking. He is wearing blue jeans with legit tears in them. Not the kind of torn jeans pretty boys buy at the store that are pre-ripped to look tough, no Cutter had put those rips there himself. He paired his deliciously ripped jeans with a plaid flannel button up shirt and a Seahawks baseball hat. He glances up at me and starts walking to the tailgate.

  “What floor are you on?” He starts hauling my boxes out of the bed of the truck.

  “Uhhhhh… six.” Great, I look like a complete moron because I can’t remember what floor my room is on.

  “Okay. Can you get the door for me?” He asks balancing my boxes on top of each other.

  “Oh yeah, sure.” I lunge forward to grab the door. I am a total idiot. Get it together Paige!

  We walk in silence to the elevators. I just hope he can’t tell how nervous I am.

  “So where is your dorm room at?” I have no idea why I am attempting to have small talk with him. I’m going to blame it on the awkward silence.

  “Upstairs.” He says curtly.

  “Oh great. We will be neighbors.” Awesome job Paige, word vomit is completely coming up.

  He just grunts in response. When we get to my room he puts the boxes inside the door to my room and turns to look around. I feel like I am overheating or I am going to have a panic attack or something. My whole body is buzzing.

  “Where is your roommate going to sleep?” He looks puzzled.

  “Oh ummm… I have a single room.” He makes a weird grunt laugh thing and says “it must be nice.” He then turns and opens the door to leave.

  “Yeah I guess.” What the heck do I say now? “Thanks for bringing my boxes.” I tell as I watch him punch the button for the elevator.

  He looks back at me and says “don’t mention it.” Well that wasn’t horrible. The good news it was over and I can now get back to worrying about rush week starting tomorrow.

  A few minutes later there is a knock at my door. Oh Lord what now, I think. I pull the door open to two blonde girls with ridiculously bright white smiles.

  “Hi! I am Katie One and this is Katie Two and we just wanted to meet our next-door neighbor.” They are practically bouncing off the walls with enthusiasm. Strange, but they look harmless so I play along.

  “Hi I’m Paige. It’s nice to meet you both.”

  “Well it’s great to meet you Paige.” I think Katie One says. What kind of name is Katie One? “Oh you don’t have a roommate?” She asks as she peers around me into my room.

  “No. I have a single room I guess.” I tell them shrugging my arms like I don’t know why I have a single room.

  “Oh well that will be convenient for you and your boyfriend.” Katie Two pipes up. Well, I think it’s Katie Two I’m just guessing at this point.

  “What boyfriend?”

  “Oh Sorry, we just assumed that was your boyfriend we saw leaving your room just now.” Whoa Cutter Daniels is definitely not my boyfriend.

  “No. He is just a guy I know from home.”

  “Well he is freaking hot! Do you mind introducing us next time he is over?” Katie Two asks a little too overzealously for my liking.

  “Sure, but we aren’t exactly friends so I doubt he will be over here again. He just brought me some boxes I couldn’t fit in my parent’s car.” Hopefully that will put an end to this line of questioning.

  “Oh darn we were hoping to get a closer look at that hottie if you know what I mean.” No, I don’t know what you mean. Katie Two is starting to piss me off.

  “I’m sorry, I’m a bit confused. What are your names exactly?” This whole situation is trying my nerves.

  “Oh sorry I’m Katie One and this is Kate Two. We live next door. Both of our last names are Smith so we decided to number ourselves so people could tell us apart” Katie One states proud as punch with her cleverness. Clearly Katie One came up with the numbering. They seemed harmless, a bit dumb, but harmless so I decide to be nice.

  “Oh okay that clears it up. Well I’m really glad to finally meet my neighbors. Are you ladies going through rush week?”

  “Yes of course we are! We want to be Kappas of course.” Katie One exclaims.

  “Oh well that’s nice you guys know what house you already like.”

  “What house do you want to join?” Katie Two asks me.

  “Oh I haven’t given it much thought, but I am a legacy at Alpha Chi Zeta so I’ll most likely go there.”

  “How nice. We have heard they are really fun group of girls.” Katie One says.

  “Yeah I think my Mother and Grandmother would disown me if I didn’t choose Alpha Chi Zeta.”

  “Yeah it must be nice to be a legacy. It takes some of the pressure off.” Katie One tells me with a hint of stress in her voice.

  “I guess. I’m not really sure about this whole process but I figure I’ll just enjoy it and whatever happens, happens.”

  “That’s a good outlook to have. I think I need to stop thinking about it so much and relax.” I like Katie One. She seems to be the nicer of the two. “Well, we should be getting back to unpacking. We just wanted to stop for a quick meet and greet.”

  “Well it was very nice to meet you both. If you ever need anything just come on over. I’ll be here.” I say as the girls make their way back to their room. I am relived they didn’t try to stay longer. I am ready for some quiet time so I can finish unpacking and take a much needed nap.

  CHAPTER 3

  I have successfully made it through rush week. I received invitations to the best houses, or so I’m told by the Katies. I really have no idea about any of this stuff. In the end I chose A Chi Z because I liked the girls I met. There were several that showed horses with me and some that did barrel racing. I thought I would have the most in common with them. Plus, they all seemed to be pretty down to earth and fun. I’m sure there are some bad apples in the bunch but for the most part I liked all of the girls I had met.

  Tonight was bid night and our first official mixers with frats. We were having something called a biad. Whatever the heck that was. I heard a group of girls talking earlier and apparently some of the frats aren’t as big as the sororities so sometimes two frats get together to host a party for one sorority. That seemed smart because it could be boring if there weren’t enough boys to mix with the girls.

  My bid day buddy told me to dress in a white T-shirt because we were going to a highlighter party. I have no clue what that is but agreed anyway. I wear my white T-shirt, my favorite skinny jeans and my new pair of tan sky high Michael Kors heals. I pair it with my matching Michael Kors tan clutch that has the cutest gold detail on it. My blonde hair is curled in loose waves and I let it fall down my back.

  I make my way up the steps to the sorority house. I am immediately met with a sea of girls all congregating in the foyer. On the wrap around staircase in the front of the house a group of older girls I recognized from rush week are talking. They are all very pretty.

  “Okay ladies. I’m so glad to see all your smiling faces back here. We are ready to head on over to Chi Sigma Rho. I want to remind all our newbies to stay with their bid day buddies. And as always ladies, never take a drink from someone you don’t know. Be safe and have fun!” The President of the sorority tells us in a sweet but firm voice.

  All the girls begin filing out of the foyer and I look around for my bid day buddy. I have been paired with a dark haired girl named Porsche who I know remotely from showing horses. I spot her and we begin chit chatting about horse stuff as we walk over to the frat house.

  I am about two drinks down and my white shirt is covered in highlighter writing that shows up in the black lights of the frat basement. The drink of the evening is something called a pink panty dropper. It is amazing! I am having a blast dancing and
talking to some of my new sorority sisters. The guys are also all very nice and I have danced with a few of them. So far College is going great!

  Porsche leans over as we dance and says she is hot. She tells me she wants to go up to the porch to get some air. I decide to go with her because it is a million degrees in the frat basement. Two guys whom we have been dancing with say they will show us the way, so we follow them. Once I hit the top floor and the fresh air hits me I realize I am a bit drunker than I originally thought. Porsche is clearly housed. She is still standing but only with help of one of the guys. I decide to sit down in one of the lawn chairs on the porch. One of the guys sits down next to me. We chat and laugh for what seems like well over an hour when I realize Porsche has left me alone. Wow, how very sisterly of her!

  People have been coming and going this whole time but at this moment we are alone. I am hoping Porsche just went to the bathroom and will be right back. The guy I am talking to seems to notice we are totally alone too and scoots closer to me. Oh double crap.

  It isn’t that he is bad looking or anything, he is cute. He is short but really fit. He kind of reminded me of one of those guys you see in the gym every time you go there without fail. I know I need to get back to the party. So I stand up and immediately Gym Rat grabs my wrist trying to pull me on top of his lap. Oh hell no.

  “Uh what are you doing?”

  “Come on baby, I’ve been up here putting in the time listening about your horses for like over an hour. It’s time for some payback.” He spits as he tries to pull me onto his lap. Shit, how I’m I going to get out of this mess?

  “I suggest you let her go asshole.” A gruff voice says from the shadows. Where the heck did that come from?

  “Yeah let me go.” I add for good measure not wanting to seem complicit in this situation.

  “She says let her go.” I watch in complete awe as Cutter Daniels comes strolling out from behind the shadows of the porch. Oh shitballs!