Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) Read online

  “Yes, I know that’s what you said but it sure doesn’t seem like you don’t have a girlfriend.” I counter.

  Cutter lets out an exasperated sigh. “Look Paige, I broke up with Laney right after school started. I have tried to maintain a friendship with her but sometimes it is hard for her to accept that we are no longer together.”

  “It’s just… I can still see you kissing her. I saw you with her, Cutter. You were touching her like you touch me. I can’t deal with that. I think it’s best if we are just friends. This can’t happen again.” I refuse to look at him. I look past him at the walk-in shower.

  “Paige… I never meant for you to see me with her that night at date dash. I was so drunk and angry. I had convinced myself you hated me for good this time. I didn’t think you would ever give me another chance. I was alone in my room stewing about the fact you were downstairs with Tanner when Laney came over. She said she was concerned about me. So we just hung out for a long time but at some point I blacked out and when I came too she was on top of me. I didn’t mean for any of it to happen.”

  “Look Cutter, I get it. I understand. You had every right to do whatever you wanted with Laney, it’s just I don’t think I can get over seeing it. That is why I think it’s best if we are just friends.” I promised myself I wouldn’t look at him when I said that last part but I did. What I saw there nearly killed me. He looked completely defeated. His eyes held so much sadness.

  “If that is what you want then I will respect it. I refuse to lose you again.” His eyes hold a little more hope now.

  “Thanks.” I said feeling suddenly very awkward and shy.

  Cutter backs up letting me climb down off the countertop. I start toward my bedroom and he of course follows behind me.

  “So when are you going home?” The tension in the air suddenly has evaporated and there is lightness to Cutter.

  “Oh, I’m going tomorrow morning. I was going to head home today but things uh… kind of got screwed up.”

  “I’m headed home tomorrow morning too. Hey you should ride with me.” That doesn’t sound like a good idea!

  “Oh…I don’t know. That’s probably not the best idea right now.” Crap, crap, crap.

  “Come on Paige. There is no point in both of us spending money on gas.”

  “Fine. You can ride with me.” I know he will refuse because Cutter has this alpha male complex where he always has to drive. There is no way he will leave his truck here.

  “Sounds great, what time do you want me to be ready?” Shit that backfired in my face!

  “Oh, umm… is eight okay?”

  “It’s perfect. I’ll meet you here.” He says smiling at me. He knows he got me and he loves it.

  “See you then, oh and Cutter? Don’t be late because I will leave you.” I say stone faced. Take that!

  He had already turned and was making his exit from my room when I said that to him. The minute he hears my words he stops and stalks back to me, infiltrating my personal space once again. “If you’re worried about me being late I could always just stay here with you tonight.” His patented flirty grin lights up his face.

  “I… uh…” I am completely flustered. I can’t find words. He is so close to me making it hard for me to think.

  He stops his advancement and gazes into my eyes. “See you tomorrow darling.” With that he spins on his heels and leaves. Holy crap! I am in such deep trouble.

  I thought it would be more awkward having him sitting in the passenger seat next to me. I should have known better though. Cutter made himself at home in my truck, immediately adjusting the satellite radio to play county. He then fiddled with the seat adjustments and the seat heater until he was satisfied. He is now currently belting out Bobby Wills’ Crazy Enough. It’s hard to ignore how hot he looks singing along with the radio. He has this sexy confidence that just floods the entire truck making it hard for me to concentrate on the road ahead.

  “Do you want me to drive?” He asks in between songs.

  “No I’m fine.” I know it annoys him not to drive but there is something defiant in me that refuses to allow him to drive my truck.

  “Well let me know when you get tired.”

  “Okay.” That will be like half-past NEVER.

  “I really like your new truck. It suits you.” He says grinning at me.

  “Thanks, I like it too.” I know I’m not really being engaging, which is rude, but I’m not done being angry at him. Not by a long shot.

  He was at my house at seven-thirty this morning. He had his bags all packed and he insisted on loading my truck for me. He persistently asked if I needed anything else to bring home and then he even had the balls to ask me if I had all my medicines I needed for my back. I know that he is just trying to be helpful but for the last two years I have managed just fine without him. I have become stubbornly independent and I am unwilling to let him treat me like glass now.

  “So, your parents are gone aren’t they?”

  “Yes, they are at the Quarter Horse World Championships in Oklahoma. They will be home the Wednesday before Thanksgiving like usual.” I tell him even though I’m sure he remembers this information. My face flashes red as a flood of memories we made two years ago replays in my mind.

  “Who is staying with you? Lacey?” He asks.

  “No, I’ll be home alone. Lacey is home but she stays most nights at Jasper’s house now.”

  “Do you think that’s smart?” Ummm, excuse me?

  “What? That Lacey stays every night at Jaspers? I think its fine, she is a big girl. You know they are a couple now, right? Oh yeah that’s right, you knew that before I did.” I am purposely aggravating him by ignoring his question and bringing up past shit. He made me mad with his overprotective crap this morning.

  “Paige, stop it. I know you are upset that I didn’t tell you about Jasper and Lacey, I get that, but it wasn’t my place to tell you first. I encouraged both Lacey and Jasper to be honest with you. I told them if they didn’t come clean to you, then I was going to tell you.”

  “Weird. Where have I heard that before?” I am asking for a fight but seriously he kind of deserves it.

  He lets out a deep sigh. “I probably should have told you. I screwed up, okay? Does it upset you that much that they are together?” Was that an apology followed by rudeness? What an ass!

  “No it doesn’t bother me they are together. In fact I think they make a great couple. I am happy to see Lacey settled down and Jasper deserves someone who will be there for him.”

  “I just wondered giving your past with Jasp and all.” He says in a quiet voice. I could tell he wasn’t purposefully trying to be a jerk now, he was actually curious about my feelings.

  “It’s not awkward at all. I suppose it should be, but it’s not. I wasn’t in love with Jasper; if I had been I’m sure I would feel differently.”

  “I’m glad you have Lacey and Jasper as friends. I know they have been there for you when I wasn’t.” Oh no here we go, serious chat coming up.

  “I have some pretty amazing friends. I am thankful for all of them. They saved me.” I tell him honestly.

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you Paige. I would give anything to go back and change things.” He is quiet now. I know he is thinking and reliving our terrible past again.

  “It’s alright. I forgive you.” I tell him trying to lift his spirits.

  “I won’t ever leave you again. I promise you that.” He says in almost a whisper and turns his head to stare out at the rolling wheat fields passing us by.

  I don’t know what to say to that so I just continue to drive and let the finality of his statement hang in the air. The silence makes my mind race thinking of the past. This is going to be a very long drive home.

  CHAPTER 17

  We are just coming up I-5 and entering Whatcom County when it hits me, I have no idea where I am going. Do I need to drop Cutter off someplace?

  “So where am I dropping you off?” I ask him.


  “Oh, I thought I would just go to your house and figure it out from there.” He says nonchalantly.

  I just look over at him and give him my signature raised eyebrow that says “I don’t think so Bud.”

  “If you could drop me at the farm that would be great.” Alright, that I can handle.

  We are just turning onto the long gravel driveway to his farm when I feel a bit apprehensive. I didn’t really think about it but I am going to the home of a woman that hates me and blames me for her husband’s death. Not to mention the spawn of Satan himself, Cooper Daniels, lives here as well.

  Cutter must notice my uneasiness and looks at me. “He isn’t here Paige. He moved out over a year ago.”

  I release my breath that I was holding in and pull the truck up in front of the aging farm house. I put it in park and turn to look at Cutter.

  “Thanks for the ride.” He says grinning at me.

  “No problem.” I say still feeling nervous I am at his house.

  Cutter opens his door and gets down out. He walks to the rear of the truck and drops the tailgate, grabbing his bags from underneath the Tonneau cover. I get out of the truck and watch him unload his things.

  “Is that my baby boy?” Oh no, that has to be his Mom.

  “Hi Mom.” Cutter says and meets his Mother at the stairs of the farmhouse. I can feel her looking at me. She is sizing me up. “Mom this Paige Vandenberg.”

  “I know who she is.” Marion Daniels is younger than I expected her to be. She is beautiful with her strawberry blonde hair. She has the most gorgeous freckled covered skin that almost makes her look like she is glowing. I can tell though she has endured a life of stress, you can see it when you look closely. Her eyes look hollow like they have seen too much in this lifetime. I instantly feel bad thinking of the loss of her husband.

  “Hello Mrs. Daniels.” I say politely.

  “He always said you were beautiful.” She says ignoring my hello. I am confused at her statement, is she talking about Cutter? I look at him for assistance but he says nothing. She must see my confusion because she clarifies “My Emerson always said you were beautiful. Every time he delivered a load of hay at your parent’s farm he would come home and say what a beautiful little girl you were. Said he thought you would be a model someday.”

  I am stunned at her confession. I don’t know what to say. I just stand there like a statue not knowing if I should leave or stay.

  “Thank you for bringing my boy home.” She says and then retreats back into the house. Holy hell what just happened.

  I look at Cutter not knowing what to say or do still. “I’m sorry…” I start but can’t finish.

  “Paige, there is nothing to be sorry about.” He says as he comes down from the stairs where he was standing. He comes up next to me putting his hands on my shoulders. “She is sober now, has been for a long time. She knows that her anger toward you was misplaced. She doesn’t blame you for his death.”

  I nod my head letting Cutter know I understand what he is telling me. His words hit me in waves. It is relief to know Cutter’s Mom doesn’t hate me or blame me for her husband’s death but it is still awkward.

  “You okay to drive home, or do you want me to go with you?” He asks sounding worried.

  “Oh no, I’m fine.” I say.

  “Okay, we will talk later?” He asks, clearly testing the waters.

  “Sure.” I say and start walking toward my truck. I jump in it and pull away from the Daniels farmhouse. I look back in my rear view mirror and I see Cutter still standing in the driveway watching me leave. Well that was absolutely terrifying. At least now I can just relax by myself at home for the next few days.

  I got home in mid-afternoon and put my stuff away. My parent’s huge house was eerily quiet so I decided to go down to the barn. I found Lacey working the young training horses that didn’t go to the horse show.

  “Hey Lace.” I yell across the huge wooden arena.

  “Hey there Chica!” Lace calls as she lopes a beautiful jet black gelding over toward me. “How long have you been home?”

  “Oh maybe an hour or so, I was just unpacking and doing some much needed laundry.” I tell her.

  “You want to help me work some horses?”

  “Sure. I don’t know how much help I will be though.”

  She lets out a deep breath and I know she is fixing to set me straight. “Paige I love you, but you need to get over that shit. It’s time you get back on a horse. I know what the surgeon said but I think you should at least try it.”

  “I know Lace, I’m just scared. What if I fall off and reinjure my back?” I confess to her.

  “You won’t. We can start you off slow on The Biz. Once you get your strength back we can try you out on Dex. He is really coming along and I think he is smart enough to take care of you.”

  I would love to ride Dex. He is four now and really talented.

  “Alright.” I tell her.

  “Great go get The Biz Whiz and I’ll help you saddle him.” She tells me.

  “Okay.” I say and hurry off to find my longtime friend.

  “I can’t believe I’m actually doing this.” I tell Lacey as she rides next to me on a cute bay mare named Chloe.

  “Well it’s about damn time you stop being such a baby.” She says smiling at me. “I think your strength has improved.”

  “I have been swimming with that guy I told you about.”

  “Oh yeah what’s his name, Holder?” She teases.

  “His name is Holden.”

  “So tell me more about this Holden, have you guys done it yet?”

  “Oh my God, no!” I gasp.

  “Well I was just asking. It is about time you get over Cutter Asshat Daniels.”

  Oh no I can tell I have word vomit coming up. “He rode home with me.”

  “Please tell me you are talking about Holder and not Cutter.”

  I don’t answer because I know she is going to freak out on me just like Tess did when I told her about an hour ago. “We are trying to be friends.” I know how lame that sounds but it’s the truth.

  Lacey just snorts as she trots her horse off. “Okay, start jogging.” I do as she tells me and at first the jarring motion makes me nervous for my back but then I settle into my old rhythm.

  I jog for a long while before Lacey tells me to lope. I do and it is hard to keep my left leg stationary but I manage. I’m lucky it is The Biz and not another horse that would take advantage of my new handicap. I have always had so much control over my legs, that’s what made me such a skilled rider. Now, it is different I have to really think about keeping my left leg as still as I can. Sometimes when I think I am actually moving it to give The Biz a command I realize I haven’t moved it at all. This is going to take some getting used to.

  “I’m impressed, I think you did awesome! You have some issues to overcome for sure but I don’t think there isn’t any reason why you shouldn’t start riding again.” Lacey tells me beaming with pride.

  “Do you think I will ever show though?” I ask timidly.

  “Are you kidding me? Have you seen some of those fruit nuts out there riding around in the show pen? You have more skill and ability than most riders, even with your slight disability.”

  “Thanks Lace, I really needed this.” I tell her and climb down off my horse. The minute I touch the ground I know I have lost feeling in my left leg, I panic a bit but hang on to the saddle to prop myself up.

  “You okay?” Lacey watches me wide-eyed.

  “Yeah, I should have thought that through. I don’t have feeling in my leg so I need to stand her a minute until it comes back.” I’m thankful The Biz is so patient and understanding. He looks back at me almost asking if I’m alright as I lean my weight against him.

  “The Biz will take care of you, he knows.” Lacey hops down off her mare and leads her out of the arena. “When you’re ready bring him in here and I’ll pull your saddle off for you.” She tells me.

  Lacey was kind
enough to saddle my horse for me because I can’t lift that much weight. If I did start riding again I was going to have to adjust to not being able to do simple tasks for myself. I can tell that will be a hard adjustment for me, but at least I will be riding again.

  CHAPTER 18

  I ended up helping Lacey with the rest of the horses. It felt great being back in the barn and hanging out with Lace. It was well past eight when I closed up the barn and headed back to the house. Lacey took off hours ago for Jasper’s. I knew she was anxious to see him. She told me that he was excited to see me too and would be over first thing tomorrow morning.

  I made dinner for myself and then snuggled into my parent’s huge overstuffed sofa to watch a movie. I must have fallen asleep part way through it because when I wake up the DVD is stopped on the obnoxious bright blue screen. I look around and the dark house, it gives me a bit of a chill to be here all alone. I stand up and stretch to head to my room when my phone rings. It’s Cutter.

  “Hello.” I say looking at the clock across the wall. Why is he calling me at midnight?

  “Paige?” He seems upset.

  “Yeah, what’s up?” I ask.

  “Where have you been? I have been calling and texting, but you didn’t answer me.” He was doing what?

  “Oh I fell asleep watching a movie.”

  “Well let me in. I’m at the front door.” Whoa, what?

  “What are you doing here?” I run my hand threw my hair and realize I look like a hot mess. I rush toward the front door trying to straighten my short hair with my fingertips.

  “Open the door Paige. I can hear you on the other side of it.” Crap.

  I open the door because I don’t really have another choice at this point, he knows I’m awake. He is standing on the front porch in dark jeans and a black fleece jacket. He has on a baseball hat and he is holding a bag in his hand. The minute he sees me I see relief in his eyes.

  “What are you doing here Cutter?” I ask mildly frustrated with his overbearing nature.