Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) Read online

  I open my eyes to see we have pulled off into a truck stop. “Oh hey, where are we?” I ask groggy from my little nap.

  “We just crossed into Montana.” He says grabbing his wallet from the center console. “Come on lets go get snacks.”

  “Alright.” I follow him into the truck stop. I grab a few things, mostly junk food. Hey, I’m on vacation right?

  “You set?” He asks as I walk toward the front of the store. He is waiting by the register.

  “Yup I think so.” I tell him as I put my stuff on the counter.

  “All this and gas on number five out there.” He says looking at the cashier.

  “Oh you don’t have to buy mine.” I protest.

  “It’s okay I got it. It’s the least I could do after I forced you to ride with me.” The cashier gives me a curious look. She is probably wondering if he kidnapped me or something. I’m half tempted to give her a signal for help.

  “Thanks.” I grab my stuff and start walking toward the truck.

  Cutter fills the truck up and climbs back in the driver seat. We are on the road only a few minutes when I can feel him looking at me. “So are you going to talk to me? Or are you going to sulk over there the whole time?” I am not sulking! I am pissed there is a huge difference.

  “What do you want to talk about Cutter?” I say in a sickly sweet voice.

  “I want to know why you freaked out the other night when we were making out.” Oh crap, does he really want to go there again?

  “I didn’t freak out. I just simply asked you a question. A question you never really answered by the way.” I counter.

  “I did answer your question. I told you that I don’t play games, remember?” Of course I remember dumbass. I have only been obsessing over our last conversation for two weeks.

  “If that’s true then what is it that you want from me?” I surprise myself at my question.

  Cutter doesn’t respond. I can tell he is thinking about me question. “I don’t know, okay? I don’t know what I’m doing. I know I should just walk away. I know that, but I just can’t.” He sighs in frustration.

  I don’t know how to respond so I just remain silent watching the beautiful landscape roll by. I don’t know how long we drive in silence before I decide to ask the million dollar question.

  “Why do you hate me so much?”

  He remains still looking forward with both hands clenching the wheel.

  He sucks in a breath. “I don’t hate you Paige.”

  “Well it sure seems like you do, or did. I don’t even know anymore.” I say honestly.

  “I know you don’t, and that is my fault.” He murmurs. What is going on here? If he doesn’t hate me then why was he so mean to me for all those years?

  I don’t know what to say to any of that. He apparently doesn’t know what to say either. So once again we fall into a quiet pattern of listening to the radio.

  We are about twenty minutes outside Missoula when Cutter pulls out his phone and calls Tanner for directions to the campsite. I can hear Tanner telling him how to get there and that they have everything all set up already. I can’t wait to be around other people and out of this depressing truck.

  It doesn’t take long for us to find the group. Cutter pulls the truck into the campsite. I am totally relieved to be here. I grab the handle to open the door when he reaches over and grasps my wrist stopping me.

  “I’m sorry Paige. I need you to know that.” He looks tired.

  “Okay.” I reply. He closes his eyes and releases my hand. I jump down from the truck and wonder off to find Millie. Whatever is going on with Cutter was officially not my problem. I am ready to have some fun.

  CHAPTER 10

  The weekend so far has been really fun. Once my awkward car ride was over things started to improve, I had found Millie and she instantly put me at ease. The guys started a large fire and you could tell there was some obvious coupling happening. I was relieved when Mills told me that she and I were sharing a tent. I was concerned that I wouldn’t sleep well on the hard river bed. But I was just drunk enough I passed out and slept like the dead. The next day when Mills and I woke up the boys were already fly fishing.

  We watch them for a few minutes before we decide to grab our lawn chairs and fully enjoy the view. Cutter is the furthest down the river. He has on black waders and a green flannel shirt with his sleeves rolled up. I am in awe as I watch him easily cast out his line and patiently wait and then recast his line. He is so ruggedly handsome. I can tell he is really enjoying himself. He has a relaxed smile on his face. He looks completely content.

  Cutter must have felt me watching him because his head turns and he looks at me. A grimace comes across his face when he catches me looking at him. I immediately shift uncomfortably in my chair so I am no longer staring at him. It hurts knowing that I am the source of his irritation. Maybe I should have just stayed back at school.

  After about an hour of watching the boys fish, I suggest to Millie that maybe we should go into town to pick up some supplies. She agrees and asks Tanner to borrow his truck. There was no way in hell I was going to ask Cutter for his. Thankfully I didn’t have to and Tanner gave us his keys.

  Millie and I explored downtown Missoula for hours. We enjoyed checking out all the little shops and I especially enjoyed wondering around the western stores. There is something about the smell of leather goods that just warms my heart. Once we finished our tour of downtown we headed to a grocery store to pick up some food before we go back to the campsite.

  When we return from our adventure in town the boys are just heading back out to do some more fishing. I can see most of the guys have brought their dates out to fly fish as well. Tanner offers to teach Millie and she excitedly agrees. I decide to take a walk. I want to explore the beautiful river. I just start my walk when Cutter catches up with me.

  “Hey where are you going?”

  “Just for a walk.” I tell him.

  “Well I was coming to see if you wanted to try fly fishing.”

  “Oh I don’t know if that’s a good idea.” I murmur.

  “Sure it is, come on.” What’s with this sudden change of attitude?

  “Alright.” I say as I follow him toward the campsite. Maybe this is like a peace offering or something?

  After putting on waders and some other funky gear I am officially ready to fly fish. Cutter and I wade out into the river. It is much harder to do than what it looks like from shore. Cutter shows me where to stand. We are waist deep in the river now. He takes the fishing pole from me and instructs me how to cast the line. I am mesmerized watching how skillfully he flicks his wrist and watches the line dance out in front of him. There is definitely an art to casting and Cutter is a clear master at it. He hands me the fishing pole adjusting my hand to wear it needs to be.

  “Just let your hand follow my hand, okay? I’m going to help you cast.” He tells me as he places his hand on top of mine. I let his strong hand guide my arm back and flick it forward with his momentum. There is something incredibly intimate about this moment and it sends a shiver through me. Cutter continues to help me cast out my line and I try to remain focused. He is standing so close our bodies are completely pressed back to front. I can feel the familiar warmth spread throughout my body. This always occurs when Cutter touches me. We fall into a hypnotic pattern of casting and recasting. Cutter doesn’t leave my side the entire time.

  We stay out in the river fishing for a long time, longer than any of the other couples. It is starting to get dark when we finally decide to go back to shore. The group is already busy making dinner. I am hoping once we return to the campsite our easy companionship won’t end, but as usual Cutter stalks off. So much for our new found truce.

  Everyone is sitting around the campsite drinking and telling stories. Cutter sits off to the side drinking what appears to be whiskey. It is obvious he is brooding over something. I’m sure it has to do with me. I could try to talk to him but I chose to ignore him instead. As
I sit in my lawn chair I can hear thunder rolling off in the distance and see flashes of light in the hills. Crap, I hope it doesn’t pour down rain tonight.

  I wake up to my tent being unzipped. It is freezing and pouring down rain. Half the tent is already flooded. I have put on every jacket and sweatshirt I brought but it doesn’t matter I am soaked to the bone. I am hoping Millie has come to my rescue. She didn’t exactly stay in the tent tonight. I figured she was with Tanner somewhere.

  “Paige, grab your stuff.” Cutter sticks his head in the tent door. No way am I going with you.

  “Oh I’m okay.” I lie.

  “Not a negotiation. Grab your stuff you can sleep in my truck with me.” Yeah, that is not going to happen!

  “No, I’m okay seriously.” I say pretending I’m no totally panicking at the amount of water coming into the tent. Although a dry truck with seat heaters does sound amazing right now, I can’t be that close to Cutter.

  “Not asking darling, get in the truck.” He growls. I decide to acquiesce to his request. “Throw your stuff up front and hop in the back. I’m going to just stake down that tent better so the wind doesn’t carry it off.” He tells me.

  I dump my stuff in the passenger side of the truck and climb in the backseat. I start peeling the wet layers off until I am down to my last layer. It is dryer than all the others but still pretty wet. I look around the truck for a blanket or anything to wrap up in but come up with nothing.

  The door next to me swings open and a soaking wet Cutter stands there. “Scoot over.”

  “Oh sorry” I say as I slide all the way to the other end of the backseat. Cutter gets in and he starts pulling off wet layers like I had just done. He then turns on the truck and cranks the heat on blast. He looks over at me and reaches across my body to click on my seat heater. The minute his body comes in contact with mine, my shivers seem to intensify.

  “Shit, you’re really cold aren’t you?” He asks full of concern.

  “Nooo I’mmm Finnnneee.” I say through my chattering teeth.

  “Yeah, right you are going to get hypothermia.” He pulls his soaking T-Shirt off revealing his bare chest. I am transfixed appreciating his perfect six-pack when he looks over at me and smiles. Busted!

  “Sorry” I croak and avert my eyes. I can feel him still looking at me.

  “Take your shirt off, Paige.” Whoa, what the hell?

  “Um… no, I’m not taking my shirt off.” I stammer defensively.

  “Your freezing, you need to warm up. The fastest way to get you warm is body heat. I’m not going to do anything, okay. I’m just going to lie down next to you so you can get some of my body heat. That shirt you are wearing is soaking wet. It needs to come off.”

  I look down and notice my shirt is leaving little to the imagination because it is clinging to my chest revealing my hot pink bra. Cutter is acting like he honestly cares and doesn’t seem like he is just trying to just get my clothes off. So go along with it. I pull my soaking shirt over my head and put it in the front of the truck hoping the warm air will dry it so I can put it right back on. When I return to my seat in the back, Cutter is intently staring at me. He stops as soon as my eyes catch his.

  “Good, now lay down with your back against the seat. You’ll get some of the warmth from the seat heater that way.” I do as he tells me and I must admit having the heat on my bare skin does help. Once I am situated Cutter lays down next to me so we are chest to chest on the bench of the backseat. When his hot skin touches mine, I stop breathing. This is too much, it is too intimate. My whole body is humming and I feel like I want to jump out of my skin. I need to move and get away from him. I can’t do this.

  I start to squirm and his large hands still me. “Stay put Paige. You need to warm up.”

  “Cutter, I can’t…” I don’t finish my statement I just leave it there hanging. I know he understands what I am trying to say.

  I start to work my way out from being wedged against him when Cutter traps me again. “Stop fighting me Paige.”

  “I need space.” I say as I try once more to wiggle free.

  Something flashes in his eyes and he moves in so his face is now just inches from mine. “Really? You want space? You don’t want me to kiss you right now?” He taunts me.

  I just shake my head in protest.

  “You know you want me to kiss you, Paige. I can see it all over your face.”

  “No. I would like it if you would stop manhandling me though.” I am getting more than just a little frustrated now.

  “Oh I think you like me manhandling you .Your cheeks give you away, darling.” He brushes his hand lightly over my cheek. I close my eyes at the gentle touch and press into his hand. “See I told you.” He says and then closes the distance between us. Our lips meet and I feel my stomach jump up into my chest.

  The kiss is raw and hungry. There is a shear need I can feel from him, something almost carnal. As the kiss deepens I moan. Cutter responds by lightly nipping at my lip. This drives me crazy and I begin to feverishly kiss him back. He groans, but to my surprise he pushes back from me.

  I attempt to get my breathing under control when Cutter reaches over and shifts us so I am now lying underneath him completely pinned down. Cutter pulls back and lets his eyes roam over my bare chest. I see the heat in his eyes. “Do you trust me?” He asks softly.

  I know I should say no, but instead I just nod my head yes.

  “Good.” He says as he starts to work the buttons on my jeans loose.

  Panic hits me the minute I understand what he is asking. “Cutter, I’m not ready.” I blurt out.

  “I know darling. I know. I’m not going to sleep with you. I just need to see you. I want to see all of you.” OH, HOLY CRAP!

  He undoes my jeans and pulls them off my legs. I am so thankful I have on my hot pink lacey thong that matches my bra. My underwear rarely matches but thank heavens it matches today!

  Once he removes my jeans he turns back to look at me. His eyes land right on my pink lacey thong. I feel like I turn deep purple instead of red. He doesn’t seem to notice my embarrassment and just quietly mutters under his breath “beautiful.” Cutter slowly slides up the length of my body placing both of his hands on either side of my face. He hovers above me just gazing at me.

  “No more running Paige. Do you understand? No more running from me.” He says before bending down to kiss me again. Explosions go off in my lower abdomen. Cutter’s body presses down on top of me and I can feel how much he wants me. His hard length is crushed against my thigh. I suddenly become very aware of just how little clothing I have on and just how easy it would be to take things farther.

  As we kiss my hands start to explore Cutter’s back and the sides of his stomach. His body is perfect with hard muscle and chiseled lines. I rake my fingernails lightly down his sides and I can feel the muscles ripple in his back. I could spend hours appreciating him. He has to be the most perfect male specimen I have ever seen.

  Slowly Cutter moves from kissing my mouth to kissing my neck. He continues his slow travel down my chest. He pulls back and looks at me for just a half second, silently asking if I am okay. I nod and he moves his hand up to cup my breast over top my bra. He gently kneads it with his palm and then slips his hand inside pulling it free. He glances at me again asking if what he is doing is okay. I nod yet again and he lowers his mouth to my breast. I let out a gasp as soon as his hot wet mouth touches my cold sensitive nipple.

  As his mouth wreaks havoc on my right breast he reaches up with his free hand and pulls my left breast free. He hungrily begins sucking on both my sensitive nipples making it hard for me to concentrate on anything but how good it feels. This must have been his goal, because for a third time Cutter looks up at me with the silent question in his eyes. I quickly nod and Cutter’s hands begin slowly wandering down my body as he continued to suck on my nipples.

  When his hands reach the top of my lacey thong I still. I hadn’t really thought about what I am giving him th
e green light for, but now I am all too aware of how far things have gotten. Cutter instantly notices my hesitation and stops. He stares up at me questioning my apprehension.

  “You said you trusted me, baby. I told you I won’t take things too far and I meant that.”

  I don’t respond to him. I can’t, I am overwhelmed. Instead I close my eyes in agreement.

  “Look at me Paige. I want to see your eyes when I make you come.” He says as his hands start to move under the lace of my underwear.

  The second his fingers touch my hot center I jump. I am so worked up I could lose it any second. Cutter must know this because he has a sly grin plastered on his face as he watches me react to his intrusion. Slowly he circles his fingers through my opening, driving me insane. Just watching Cutter enjoy our intimate interaction is enough to send me over the edge.

  Just when I think I can’t handle anymore he plunges two fingers deep inside of me. I gasp. This only spurs Cutter on and he continues to thrust his fingers inside of me. He hovers over me watching my face the entire time. I can’t take it. I let out a load moan and come apart. The sweet release hits me like a tidal wave. I have never experienced anything like it. It takes a few minutes before I regain some control over my body. I look up to find Cutter’s eyes. I instantly feel embarrassed at what just transpired between us.

  Cutter however, does not seem to share my embarrassment. His eyes are hooded and he has the most mischievous carnal smile on his face. He looks like a cat that has just swallowed a canary, whole. I have a feeling I am definitely the canary in this situation. “I think it’s safe to say your no longer cold, huh darling?”

  I don’t really know if I can speak. I am too afraid if I try it will just be sounds and not really words. I give it a whirl anyways. “Um, no I’m definitely not cold anymore.” I say thinking it is probably time to put some clothes on. I start to shift to reach my jeans that were now on the floor of the truck when Cutter pins me down yet again.

  “We already discussed this no more running thing, Paige. I know you feel vulnerable right now. I get that, but no running.” I can tell he is trying his absolute best to prevent me from overanalyzing what has just happened.