Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) Page 4

  “Let it go man! If she wants to be with him now, there’s nothing you are going to do about it. You have to let her go.” Tanner yells at him as he pushes him back against the wall. I can’t hear what Cutter says in response and I’m not sure I want to.

  I duck my head and look at the floor as Holden and I exit the boat. I take a deep breath and let it out once we are safely in Holden’s SUV with Millie and Brooks. We are all pretty quiet on the long drive back to Pullman. It’s clear the night was spoiled thanks to the drama between Cutter and me. The boys pull up outside our house and we say our goodbyes. Millie helps me to my room. She lays out my meds for me and gets me a glass a water to take them with.

  “You sure you don’t want to go see a doctor?” She has asked me several times but I have refused.

  “If I feel this bad tomorrow I will make an appointment. I think I just need to rest and then I’ll be fine.” I know she is concerned and frankly I am a little as well, but right now I don’t want to sit in an emergency room. I just want to try to fall asleep and forget this night ever happened.

  “Okay. You make sure to wake me if you need anything or you get worse.”

  “I will.” I tell her as she shuts off the light in my room and clicks the door shut.

  I know it’s the pills I have taken; I have the most amazingly vivid dream. I dreamt that Cutter was in my room sitting in the vintage high back chair next to my bed. He was telling me how sorry he was for everything that happened tonight. He said he understood that he repeatedly breaks his promise to never hurt me over and over again even though he tries not to. He tells me he loves me and then tells me that he knows I will never love him again and that’s okay, he deserves that. He then stands up and bends over next to me lightly kissing my forehead and that’s when I wake up. My eyes dart around the room looking for him but I know he isn’t actually here. I know it’s all in my head. The real Cutter Daniels does not give a shit about hurting me; in fact I think he is making a career out of it.

  CHAPTER 6

  It has been a couple weeks since the epically bad cruise date that Holden and I shared. I’m walking home from my afternoon real estate law class. It’s still warm out but not as hot as it has been. I’m wearing a cute floral sun dress with a navy sweater and cute brown sandals. I have my short hair half pinned up. I’m thinking about how much homework I have for the week and dreading it when I hear someone call my name. I look up to see Holden striding toward me. I instantly smile. There is something infectious about Holden and his good looks.

  “Hi.”

  “Hey I thought that was you. Are you headed home?”

  “Yeah I just finished my last class of the day.”

  “Me too. I’ll walk you home.” He says as we begin our leisurely pace down the hill.

  “So how are your classes going?” I ask him.

  “Pretty good. I have this horrible chemistry class but other than that, I’m surviving.” He says with a heart-melting smile. “What about you? How are your classes going?”

  “Good actually. I thought I would be farther behind but I’m not surprisingly.”

  “That’s good. How is everything else going?” I know Holden is really asking about how I’m feeling since my awesome fall backwards on the cruise.

  “Oh, I’m doing alright. Some days are a struggle and others are better.” I say nonchalantly.

  “Paige, I really think you should give swimming a try. I know it could really help your strength.”

  This pushiness would annoy me if it was from anyone else, but Holden has a way of being persistent but without the judgment. I appreciate that about him.

  “Alright, why not.” I say even half surprising myself at my acquiescence to this idea.

  “Really?” He looks at me in disbelief. So apparently he didn’t believe I was agreeing either.

  “Yeah, why not. It’s worth a shot right?”

  “Great! What are you doing this afternoon?” Oh man, he wanted to start today?

  “Uh, nothing I guess.”

  “Perfect, I was headed up to the therapy pool to do some laps anyway. How long will it take you to be ready?”

  “I just need to change and then I’m good to go.” I say feeling nervous now.

  “Alright it’s a date.” He says through his gorgeous smile. Holden knows how to put on the charm, I will give him that.

  I quickly changed into my swimsuit and cover up when I got home. I met Holden outside my house and we drove up to campus to the private indoor pool in my truck. The therapy pool is reserved exclusively for athletes and training staff. Holden had explained to me that he got a part-time job at the pool working with different athletes helping them do strength training and recover from injuries.

  I must admit I’m nervous now wading into the empty pool. It is warm but I still shiver, I know it has nothing to do with the temperature and everything to do with the half-naked man swimming out in front of me. Holden is all long lean lines. Seeing him now glide through the water it is clear he has a swimmer’s body. When he reaches the far end of the pool he treads effortless back through the water toward me. His head snaps up when he gets close to the edge and I feel his eyes roam over my body that is on full display in my black bikini.

  “You ready?” He asks with a grin.

  “I guess.” I say and dip low into the water to get over the initial shock of being wet.

  “Don’t be nervous Paige. We will start slow.” He says as he treads water watching me.

  “Alright.”

  “Okay, let’s start by doing some light laps. I’ll swim next to you and if you have problems just let me know and I’ll help you.”

  I shake my head and we begin swimming out to the middle of the pool. I’m not the strongest swimmer, I’m actually pretty slow but I don’t think we are really going for speed here so that puts me at ease.

  Holden and I swim laps back and forth in the pool several more times. I can feel my left leg is fatigued but it doesn’t ache like it typically does.

  “How do you feel?” Holden asks as we come to rest on the edge of the pool.

  “Pretty good. I’m a little tired but not bad.”

  “Do you want to try floating for a minute? It really helps stretch your back.”

  “Alright.”

  “Okay, I’m going to stand over here in the shallow end and help you while you float on your back.

  I follow him to the shallow end of the pool.

  “Now just float Paige. Look up at the ceiling and kick your legs. Don’t worry about going under, I will catch you.” Holden says as he looks down at me. I can see the heat behind his eyes and it makes my stomach jump with excitement. I try to ignore it by looking up at the ceiling and counting the lights overhead. “Good, just relax.”

  I can feel Holden’s hands underneath me. If I’m truly honest with myself they feel nice but they also make me think of him, always of him.

  Holden has me float for a few more minutes before he helps me find my footing in the shallow water.

  “You did really good Paige. The true test will be tomorrow to see how sore you are, but I think you did great.”

  “Thanks Holden. I really appreciate you helping me.” I say and smile up at him. For the first time since my accident I feel really hopeful and I owe that to Holden.

  “You’re welcome Paige.”

  Our bodies are intimately close still and I can feel the tension in the air between us. I know Holden is attracted to me and I would have to be blind not to be attracted to him. He hasn’t made it a secret that he is interested in me, but the question is am I interested in him?

  I shyly step back from him and begin to climb out of the pool. Holden follows and hands me a towel from a rack beside the wall. Holden towels off and I can’t help but admire his body. He is in incredible shape. His long lanky body is chiseled to perfection in all the right places. I can’t help but admire that sexy V-shape that disappears under his swimming trunks. I am sure there is a long line of women that wo
uld kill to have his attention, but am I one of them?

  “Paige can I ask you a question?” He says as he hands me a towel.

  “Sure.” I don’t know why I’m nervous for his question but something in his face tells me to be.

  “That guy from the cruise, your ex, is it over between you?” Great, I should have seen that question coming a mile away.

  “Yes, it was over a long time ago.” I say wrapping myself in my towel.

  “Good because I want to ask you on a date and I wanted to be sure there was no one in the way.”

  “Oh…no, I am definitely single.” I say a bit embarrassed.

  “Well in that case, I would love to take you out to dinner tonight.”

  “Uh, okay…sure.” I’m totally surprised at his immediateness.

  “Perfect. Will seven work for you?” He asks through his wide grin. I must admit he has a beautiful smile.

  “Yes but where are we going? A girl needs to plan you know.” I reply with my own giant smile.

  “Just a relaxed dinner and a movie. I was thinking we would go see the new Transformers movie.”

  “That sounds great. I have been looking forward to seeing it. I love the Transformers movies.” I say totally revealing my inner-nerd girl.

  “Well great. I’ll pick you up at seven then.”

  “See you then.” I say and head to the girls locker rooms to change.

  Once I have put on dry clothes I head out to the parking lot to find my truck. I’m on a total high. I feel hopefully that maybe, just maybe, swimming will help improve my back. I also am hopeful that my new blossoming friendship with Holden is the exact thing I need to get my mind off Cutter. But of course having shit for luck is the name of my game. As I walk across the parking lot toward my truck I see him across the street walking into the rec center with his gym bag. Thankfully he doesn’t spot me, but seeing him is enough to dash all my happiness in an instant. Will there ever come a time when seeing him won’t affect me or will I live the rest of my life forever scared of laying eyes on him?

  “I’m full on freaking out here Mills? What do I wear?” I whine as I rapid-fire clothes out of my closet onto my bed. Poor Millie is almost covered by my onslaught of garments.

  “Calm down. It’s just dinner and movie. Most the time you will be in the dark so just wear something comfy. Jeans and a hoodie?”

  I let her words sink in a second. “Which hoodie?”

  “Umm….your new teal and gray Northface one.”

  “Okay. I think I chucked that out here a while ago.” I say now madly rifling through the pile of clothes covering Mills.

  “Found it!” I hold it up in victory.

  “Great. Now what jeans?” Millie asks.

  “Well shit…I don’t know. Ah… this is so stressful.” I pace back and forth.

  “Alright calm the hell down. It’s just a date no biggie. Here wear these ones; they make your butt look great.” She tosses a pair of skinny jeans from my dresser at my face.

  “Thanks Mills!” I scream down the hall to her as she makes her escape from my craziness.

  Holden will be here any minute to pick me up and I feel totally unprepared. I am a huge ball of nerves. I know that I need to calm down and just relax but I can’t. I’m not good at this type of thing.

  “Paige, get your fine ass out here. Holden just pulled up.” Millie calls from the living room.

  “Be right there.”

  I take a deep breath and try to center myself. This is the first step in moving on I tell myself repeatedly as I walk toward the living room.

  “Hi Paige. You ready?” Holden says from the doorway. He is dressed in a dark jeans and a sky blue hoodie that compliments his dirty blonde hair perfectly.

  “She sure is!” Millie cuts me off before I can even answer him. She hands me my purse that was sitting on the coffee table and lightly pushes me toward the door.

  “Oh I need my cell phone.” I try to turn back to get it from my room.

  “Already ahead of you, I put it in your purse. Now you two kids have a fun time. Holden don’t bring her back before two, okay? I have a date myself and we have plans.” With that Millie slams the door shut and locks it. I don’t even know if I have my freaking keys!

  “Well okay then.” Holden says with his signature bright smile playing on his lips. “Shall we get going?” He says as he opens the passenger door to his SUV.

  I nod and climb in the car.

  “I hope you like Chinese.”

  “I love Chinese.”

  “Great, the place we are going to is a Mom and Pop shop. It is the best Chinese on the East side by far.”

  “Can’t wait.”

  CHAPTER 7

  Holden wasn’t lying. The food was amazing at the restaurant he took me too. It was a tiny brick building up on the hillside off-campus. It surprised me how much space there actually was inside and there was even a small water garden in the back part of the restaurant. Holden had recommended I get the lemon or orange chicken. He raved about it and now I know why. It was phenomenal.

  Dinner was going great with Holden. We talked about school and our classes. We also mused about what Millie was possibly up to with her date in that empty house. I found being around Holden was just easy, and that was refreshing.

  As we walk through the packed parking lot of the sole movie theater in Pullman, Holden reaches out and tucks his hand lightly in mine. I instantly smile and get a boost of confidence.

  Holden pays for our tickets and we head into the theater to find our seats. The place is packed because it is the opening day of the new Transformers movie. Thankfully, we have arrived early enough to get good seats. We pick the perfect spot in the middle of the massive room.

  “Do you want any snacks or a drink?” Holden asks as we settle into our seats.

  “Umm…maybe a Coke. I’m still really full from dinner.”

  “Alright, I’ll be right back.” I watch as Holden walks in front of the theater and out the exit.

  I begin to check my phone to see if I have any new messages. I’m half way through scrolling through my Facebook feed when I hear that dark sexy laugh. Crap of all craps. What are the chances?

  I look up to find Cutter and Laney arm in arm searching for seats. I sink lower in my seat hoping to go unnoticed. Luckily, they choose a spot a few rows in front of me. I relax a bit knowing they won’t be sitting right next to Holden and me.

  Call it a sick curiosity or an utter lack of self-preservation, but I couldn’t help it, I had to watch them. I studied their every interaction trying to decipher its exact meaning. Like the way she would playfully punch his arm, clearly an attempt to flirt with him, or the way he would share his drink with her. But the worst was when the lights started to dim and she snuggled up next to him leaning her head on his shoulder. That broke me. I couldn’t sit here and watch any of it anymore. I was just about to stand to leave when I saw Holden enter the theater with my drink and a bag of popcorn. You can do this Paige, just focus on Holden. He is good for you.

  I guess I should have considered maybe Cutter would recognize Holden; after all he did attempt to beat the hell out of him. As Holden passes in front of where Cutter and Laney are sitting, I notice Cutter sit up straight in his seat watching Holden like how a lion would stalk his prey. Oh crap the jig is up!

  Holden is completely unaware as he climbs the stairs that Cutter is tracking his every movement. I feel like I should warn Holden or something but there is no time. Holden turns down the aisle towards me and I quickly steal a glance back at Cutter. Big mistake.

  I watch as Cutter makes the connection that Holden and I are here together. His face flashes with anger as his eyes catch mine. I know I have no reason to feel bad, but I do.

  Holden sets our drinks down and settles in next to me. He is completely ignorant to the hostility that is occurring around him. I’m glad he hasn’t caught on. I would hate for there to be another repeat of what happened on the cruise.

  The mo
vie starts and I finally exhale a bit. Holden finds my hand on the arm rest next to his and tucks it into his. It feels nice and it is the exact thing I need to get my mind off the resident dickwad sitting two rows up. I’m thankful for Holden and his ability to steal my focus, even if it is for just a short time.

  The movie was pretty good; I still will always love the first Transformers the most. Holden seemed to have really enjoyed it. He was engrossed staring at the screen the entire time. I unfortunately had another movie that was holding part of my attention. It was definitely a horror flick. For the majority of the movie I sat and watched Laney Davis lean and cuddle against Cutter’s side. At one point Cutter even bent over and kissed her on the forehead. I immediately felt a sharp pain in my gut like I may lose my dinner, or worse, I might cry. I had to resort to counting the lights on the wall to preoccupy my mind enough to prevent my emotions from bursting out. I had held it together and now it was time to exit the theater.

  I stall a bit hoping to give us enough time to avoid Cutter and Laney who will be making their own exit. After riffling through my purse for my phone I finally think I have given us enough time. I stare at where I had last seen Cutter and I am relieved that I no longer see him. I let out a deep sigh and relax. Holden and I head out to the parking lot. He busily chats about his favorite parts of the movie. I feel bad I didn’t enjoy it more. I give Holden my best pretend smile and continue our chatting.

  When we get to Holden’s SUV he opens the door for me but he doesn’t move out of my way enough to let me get in the car, he just stands there smiling at me.