Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) Page 14

  “Back the fuck off you evil witch.” Tess growls as she pushes Laney off of her. Laney reaches up to swing at Tess when two large hands grab Laney and push her out of the way.

  “Get lost Davis” the owner of the large hands yells. I know I recognize that voice but I can’t quite see in the darkness out here by the cars.

  “Paige, are you okay?” Tess asks as I attempt to dust myself off.

  “Yeah, I’m alright.” I try to stand but Tess has to help me up. When I raise my eyes to look at Tess and the guy that helped us I almost double over in shock. It is Cooper Daniels.

  “If you are looking for Cutter, he is at home.” He says.

  I don’t respond. I don’t know how to. I start walking backward slowly trying to run from him. I am sure this is trap.

  “Why did you help us?” I ask not taking my eyes off of him.

  “I know my brother would have wanted me to.” He says simply.

  I don’t say anything after that I just look at Tess signaling it is time to go. Cooper stands there watching us leave never saying another word.

  “Well that was sufficiently weird.” Tess says finally after we are safely on our way home.

  “I know.” I say thinking of the crazy events that just happened.

  “So apparently you really pissed off Laney.” She says through a chuckle.

  “I guess.” I respond flatly. I feel numb. Today has been too much. I need rest.

  When Tess and I get home I quickly change and climb in bed. Tess goes to make some phone calls and watch T.V. She knows I need to be alone with my thoughts. When I finally sleep I dream of Cutter. I dream of him holding our baby and looking so proud. I can see us as a family and it’s perfect. If I am truly honest with myself, it is what I have always wanted.

  I don’t know how long I have been sleeping for, but I am awaken when I feel something sticky and wet between my legs. I flip back the covers and switch on my light. It’s blood and there is a lot of it. I have bled through my pajama bottoms and all over my sheets. Shit, shit, shit. This can’t be happening!

  CHAPTER 23

  Tess hears me scream in the next room and comes running. She sees the blood and acts quickly. She throws me in the car and drives like a maniac to the hospital. I just stare out the window as the landscape whizzes by, pretending none of this is happening. The emergency room at the hospital is surprisingly quiet for a Saturday night. They put me in a room right away and they thankfully let Tess come with me. The only time she has to leave is when the doctor does the pelvic exam. I know before then though, I knew the minute I saw the blood, I was losing my baby.

  The doctor explains to me it was likely the hard impact from falling on the gravel that caused me to miscarry. He assures me that I am young and in good health, that this shouldn’t prevent me from having children in the future. I hear everything he says but I don’t care. I feel like I am outside my body watching myself lay there in that hospital bed. I think of how upset I was when I found out I was pregnant and I instantly feel guilty. I thought my life was over then, but now I see how wrong I was. Deep down I wanted that baby. I wanted the last good part of Cutter and me. I thought it would hurt less this time around if I got to keep some part of him. Now, I don’t even have that, I have nothing.

  “You can’t go in there sir.” I hear the nurse say outside my room. Then the door pushes open.

  “Paige!” It was Cutter and the nurse looked less than impressed with his presence.

  “It’s alright.” I tell her waving my hand at her.

  Cutter walks over to my hospital bed and sits in the chair next to me. He looks horrible. He is pale and looks as though he hasn’t slept in days. “Paige, talk to me what is going on?”

  “Did Tess call you?” I know she did but I ask him anyways.

  “Yes. Please, tell me what happened.” He pleads.

  I take a deep breath in and let it out. “I went to the river to find you. I needed to tell you something. You weren’t there so Tess and I went to leave. Laney saw us and she freaked out and pushed me. I fell.” I know I’m stalling but I can’t help it, I need time.

  “I know. Cooper called me to tell me what happened. I drove to your house but no one was home. I was going to head home but Tess called me and said you were in the hospital. I’m so sorry Paige; she did that because of me. How badly is your back hurt?” He says placing his elbows on the edge of the bed and pulling at the back of his head, preparing for the worst.

  “It’s not my back.” I say barely in a whisper.

  “Then what’s wrong? Please, Paige…”

  “I’m pregnant…or I was pregnant I guess I should say.” I blurt out.

  I hear the audible gasp he makes. His head snaps straight up and he looks me in the eyes. He searches my face for the truth.

  “But we were careful.” He utters.

  “Um… we weren’t the night in the shower over Thanksgiving break or the time before that.” I say back to him.

  “Wait…” I know his brain now is picking up the second part of my statement. The part about how I was pregnant.

  “I lost the baby.” I close my eyes refusing to look at him. I feel the tears start flowing down my cheeks like a river.

  Cutter doesn’t say anything he just listens to me quietly weep over the loss of our unborn child. There is nothing left to say. It is over now. He knows everything and he is free to go. I envy him for that. I will never be free of this or of him. I will carry these scars around with me for the rest of my life. I also know this will make the recovery from back surgery look like a walk in the park.

  “Paige…” He starts.

  “Don’t. There is nothing to say.” I snap.

  “Yes there is.” He says lacing his fingers with mine. “Please Paige look at me.”

  I slowly open my eyes and am shocked at what I see. Cutter has tears in his eyes. He has been crying too. My heart breaks seeing him like this.

  “I’m so sorry baby. I am so sorry for all of this. I know I caused this.” He says looking totally broken.

  “I should have told you sooner.” I confess.

  “How long had you known?” He asks me.

  “Two days. I didn’t know how to tell you after everything that happened the night I left Pullman.”

  “Paige I need to explain…”

  I cut him off. “There’s no need. It’s over now.” I say.

  “No, you need to know this.” He rakes his hands over his face wiping his tears.

  “When you saw Laney and me in the bar kissing you misunderstood. I had gone to the bar early with some guys from the house. While I was there Laney came in. She got upset and thought I was drinking. I told her I wasn’t and I told her I was actually really happy. I told her how we were back together, but this made her even more upset. She started telling me it wouldn’t last and we were wrong for each other. Then she told me she loved me. That’s when she kissed me out of the blue. I was in shock. I shoved her off me but it was too late, you had already seen us.” He pauses thinking about his next words.

  “I’m sorry I overacted when I saw you hugging Holden in the alley. I know he was trying to comfort you. I only made things worse. After I calmed down I went back to your house to talk to you but you were already gone. I know you got my messages but you never responded. I thought maybe you just needed time to cool off so I was giving you that. Then Jasp told me that you and your family usually leave after Christmas to go to Wyoming. I thought you were gone, but I was counting down the days until you came home. I was going to drive to your house and make you listen to me. I was dying knowing you thought I cheated on you.”

  I know I’m crying more now. Not because I’m angry with Cutter but because I’m angry at the situation. Maybe I should question what Cutter is telling me but in my gut I know he is telling the truth. This makes me even sadder because I caused all of this.

  “I’m sorry I lost our baby.” I sob.

  Cutter climbs up on the bed next to me cradling me again
st his warm body. “Oh darling it wasn’t your fault. None of this was your fault.”

  I lay cradled in his arms until I am no longer have any tears left. Cutter is being incredibly sweet but the truth is we aren’t meant to be. It’s over and I can’t bear it. I know this is going to be the most painful thing that I will ever go through but I have to do it.

  “Cutter…” I start. “Thank you for staying but I think I need to just be alone.”

  “Paige, please let me be here for you.”

  “I can’t Cutter, it’s just too painful. It’s over.” The finality in my words cut me to the core but I hold back my tears.

  “Don’t do this. Don’t run Paige.” He pleads.

  “I’m not running. I know what I’m doing now.” I try to sound resolute.

  “Paige…”

  “Cutter, please just go.” I close my eyes fighting back the tears.

  He slides off the bed and starts toward the exit but stops when his hand touches the door knob. I know he is looking at me but I can’t look at him. If I do I will beg him not to leave. I hear him let out a deep sigh and then the door clicks behind him.

  The door opens several minutes later.

  “Paige? Honey? Can I come in?” Tess pokes her head in the door. She must have just seen Cutter leave. I shake my head yes and she comes over to sit in the chair next to me.

  “I sent him away.” I sob.

  “I know. I talked to him.” She takes a long pause. “Paige, are you sure you did the right thing? I mean it is clear that boy is in love with you. He is torn up right now.”

  “I can’t do it anymore Tess. My heart can’t take it.”

  “I get that, but do you think it was just all his fault? You can’t exactly blame him for what Cooper did or what Laney did.”

  “No, but I can’t risk it, we are clearly not meant to be.”

  “So what do you want to do?”

  “I just want to go home.”

  “Okay, honey.”

  It’s strange to think that my whole life changed in a day, but it did. This morning when I woke up I was pregnant and struggling with coming to grips with it. Now, I have lost my baby and maybe the love of my life. I’m pretty sure this was rock bottom and I had hit it face first.

  Tess brought me home last night and I have been locked in my room ever since. I know Lacey and Jasper have come by to check in on me. I don’t know if they know what happened but I wasn’t going to tell them. Maybe Cutter told Jasper. Tess has thankfully kept everyone away from my room, until now.

  I hear the doorbell and voices coming down the hall.

  “Paige? You have a visitor.” She says standing inside the doorway to my room.

  “Tell them to go away.” I snap at her.

  “I’m not going to do that today. Look I get you didn’t want me to call your parents but I’m struggling here. I don’t know how to help you. Maybe he will help you.” She turns and leaves. Who is he? Please don’t be Cutter.

  “Hi Paige.” Cooper says coming up beside my bed. I watch as his freckled face comes into focus next to me. I can see now the resemblance he has to his Mother. Although, I hate to admit it Cooper has her glowing beautiful skin. He is dressed in farm coveralls and beaten up baseball cap; clearly he came straight from the farm. Well it’s official, I’m in Hell.

  “What do you want Cooper? Kick me while I’m down?”

  “No. I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now, but for what it’s worth I’m sorry for how I have treated you.” He lets out a deep breath. “I came here because of Cutter.”

  “Did he send you?”

  “No. He would probably kill me for being here.” I watch him fidget in front of me. “He is a wreck Paige. He is gutted about what happened. I have never seen him this way before and truthfully I’m worried about him.”

  “He told you?” I don’t know why that is so important but I wanted to know.

  “Yeah, he told me about the baby. I’m sorry Paige. For what it’s worth I scared the hell out of Laney. I told her you were going to press charges against her.”

  “I’m not going to do that.” Tess had offered the same thing but I didn’t want to deal with everyone knowing I was pregnant.

  “I know, but she deserves at least that.” He pauses and shoves his hands deep into his pockets. “He loves you Paige. He needs you. You need each other right now.”

  “We aren’t good together. Bad things happen when we are together. I think we were meant to hate each other for a reason.”

  “I’m begging you Paige, please see him.” Cooper pleads.

  “I’m sorry I can’t help you.” I stare past him out my giant window.

  Cooper sighs and I hear him exit my room. I’m sorry Cutter. I just can’t save you and myself.

  CHAPTER 24

  I don’t know how long I have been in my room. It could have been days or weeks. I haven’t been showering and I certainly refuse to eat. Tess comes in my room less frequently now. I know she is still in the house though because I can hear her once in a while. I mainly just sleep but the hours that I am awake, I daydream. I have been having a reoccurring one that Cutter and I are together and we have our baby. It’s a little boy. He looks just like Cutter with his blue eyes and dark tan skin. Everything is perfect in my daydream, but then I remember that it’s not reality and the pain returns.

  “Paige! You need to come quick something is wrong with The Biz.” Tess screams as she flings open my door.

  I pull my head up off the pillow, looking at Tess. “What?”

  “Lacey called me. She is down in the barn and said that The Biz is sick and won’t get up.”

  My heart goes into overdrive. I fling back the covers and throw on a sweatshirt. I think I’m still in my pajamas but I don’t really care. I race down to the barn.

  When I get to The Biz’s stall Lacey and Alejandro are in with him. He is lying on his side and breathing heavy.

  “Is it colic?” I ask, scared to hear the answer. Colic in horses can be deadly. It is when they have extreme abdominal pain. It can be brought on by a number of factors. Sometimes it is from bad feed or it can be from them rolling and twisting their gut.

  “No. We don’t know. I sent for Dr. Collins.” Lacey tells me while holding The Biz’s head.

  I make my way into the stall and kneel down by his head. I listen to his breathing, it is uneven. “Do you think we should try to get him up?”

  “No I don’t think we should disturb him. He is fighting something and he may need his energy for that.” Alejandro says while listening to the horse’s chest.

  “What can I do?” Tess comes running down the barn aisle.

  “Stay out front and show Dr. Collins where we are.” I say to Tess and she jogs off to wait outside.

  “Lace…” I say tears in my eyes.

  “I know Paige, I know. Don’t panic yet.” She continues to stroke The Biz’s mane. I stroke his face gently watching his big eyes struggle to stay open. God is clearly punishing me for something.

  It doesn’t take long for Dr. Collins to get there. She examined The Biz and ruled out Colic. She thinks that he has an infection of some sort. She has hung two huge IV bags one with an antibiotic and the other with fluid. She said he was extremely dehydrated from trying to fight off the infection. She couldn’t give me any guarantees, but promised she would be back first thing in the morning. She explained to us that he may not survive the night and that we need to be prepared for that.

  Tess called my parents. They are on the first flight back tomorrow morning. Lacey has been sitting with me off and on for hours as I watch the IV fluid drip into The Biz’s neck. I sent Alejandro home to get rest; I may need him to help me in the middle of the night if he becomes unstable. Alejandro promised he would be back in a few hours to check on me. Currently I am alone with The Biz. I have coaxed him to place his head in my lap. He lays there perfectly still letting me pet his face and forelock, gently breathing.

  I have been
talking to him, like I have always done. I tell him about Cutter and me. I tell him about losing the baby. I tell him everything because I know this may be my last chance I get to talk to my best friend.

  “How’s he doing?” I must have been sleeping. I was leaned over The Biz’s neck. I pick my head up to see who asked me that. It takes me a minute to adjust my eyes but when I do I’m stunned.

  “About the same.” I tell him.

  “Jasper called and told me. I had to come.” Cutter says with his hands in his pockets, leaning against the stall door.

  I don’t say anything back to him I just continue to pet The Biz. His breathing is about the same. I don’t see much improvement but I’m trying not to think the worst. “They think he has an infection of some sort, but we don’t know where.”

  “Is he going to make it?”

  “We don’t know.” The truth in that statement brings a flood of emotion and I begin crying again slumping over The Biz’s neck.

  Cutter comes inside the stall and sits down next to me. “He will make it Paige. He is strong.” He says hugging me, pulling my weight off of The Biz.

  I lean against him due to my fatigue. “I hope your right. I can’t lose him too. I can’t take that, not now. Not with everything else that has happened.” I begin to cry more.

  “Shhh…. It’s going to be okay.” He coos.

  “Things are just so messed up now. I don’t see how anything can be right again.” We both know we are talking about everything now, not just The Biz.

  “I know baby. I know.”

  Maybe it was fatigue or maybe it was the rawness in the air from all the stress but I feel like I need to confess to Cutter a few things.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you right away that I was pregnant. I was just so scared.” I’m still crying but its manageable now, no longer the hard sobs.

  “I know. I wish I would have known. I would have been there for you.” His hand covers mine as I stroke The Biz’s neck. I look up at him. “Paige, I would have wanted that baby.”